Understanding Prosperity

I've often heard people use the phrase "dirt poor" I laugh every time. Very few people actually know what that means. Its been a long time since the people of the United States have had dirt floors. The closest thing even relatable for many is a crummy apartment building.

All of our perspectives are skewed by our experience. To some, being wealthy means having a home or going to college. To others it may be that next piece of property or a large investment paying off. But because our perspectives are skewed we tend to judge other's based off of what they do or don't have. We judge ourselves the same way. Whether its an attempt to define ourselves, prove ourselves, or just the desire to succeed... we tend to forget the point.

I was just sitting here drinking a cup of coffee doing a little reading and working on a project for my church. Not because I had to, but because it was enjoyable. It literally gives me joy. And not just a little bit of joy either. I mean there are few things in this world I enjoy more. Just sitting here in peace, working, thinking, drinking coffee. Its a truly intimate time for me. Its a time I like to pray, and discuss with God whats going on in my life, where I'm at. Suddenly it had occurred to me what Paul was talking about when he said in Philippians 4:12:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

I was like. HEY! Things aren't that bad, why am I always so worried about the struggle! Isn't the end all be all to be sitting here, with a cup of coffee, working on something with God? Isn't that the goal? To be sitting with Him, drinking coffee, going over the day. Planing our next move? Man, what have I been missing?

I understand WHY I think the way I do, I grew up dirt poor. I know what its like not to have. I know what its like to struggle. To be alone. To be destitute. I know what its like to feel totally useless. Those experiences drive me to work harder and at the same time drive me towards hopelessness, towards apathy. The knowing damages my perspective and causes me to idolize an idea of prosperity that doesn't even make since. It causes me to throw out any idea that doesn't fit into my perspective. Whats more, is that I know it, I understand it, I am vigilant against it, and yet I succumb to it. I succumb to how I view those with wealth and those without wealth. I succumb to how I view men's hearts. To what they'd do with it. The knowing doesn't help.

Get this. Knowing doesn't change it. It took a moment with God to even really understand it. Prosperity isn't about the wealth or the lack of it. Its not about even "being content with what you have" its about being content with the PROCESS. Is about letting it happen and just sitting down brewing another cup of coffee, putting your hands to something and saying, whats the next move God? Prosper me.

So that is what I'm going to do.

Our Broken Cisterns

When I was in Israel a year ago, I had the privilege of visiting an old Crusader castle. It was set right

into a cliff, hanging out over the ocean. As I toured around I got the glimpse of a cistern. It wasn't what I had expected while reading the bible. It was like a well built above ground It was smashed on the side and falling apart as you would expect. Then it hit me, broken cisterns. This is what God was talking about in [Jeremiah 2:13]

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water. "

Israel committed two sins.

First, they forsake God the SPRING of LIVING WATER. Let's talk about a spring for a second.

spring

1.     to rise, leap, move, or act suddenly and swiftly, as by a sudden dart or thrust forward or outward, or being suddenly released from a coiled or constrained position: to spring into the air; a tiger about to spring.
   
2.     to be released from a constrained position, as by resilient or elastic force or from the action of a spring: A trap springs. The door sprang open and in he walked.
   
3.     to issue forth suddenly, as water, blood, sparks, fire, etc. (often followed by forth, out, or up): Blood sprang from the wound.
   
4.     to come into being, rise, or arise within a short time (usually followed by up): Industries sprang up in the suburbs.
   
5.     to come into being by growth, as from a seed or germ, bulb, root, etc.; grow, as plants.
   
6.     to proceed or originate from a specific source or cause.
   
7.     to have as one's birth or lineage; be descended, as from a person, family, stock, etc.; come from: to spring from ancient aristocracy.

The root word "spring" basically means to come forth suddenly. The noun is defined as:

an issue of water from the earth, taking the form, on the surface, of a small stream or standing as a pool or small lake.

I'm not sure if you have ever seen a spring up close and personal but when I was about 9 years old I was "camping" (I use quotations because in reality we were homeless) in the national forest around Chiloquin, Oregon. At one point we camped at the headwaters of a river. It was a spring. Water literally bubbled up out of the ground with force. One of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I remember sticking my hand inside one of the springs to try and feel around. I didn't do it again because I was fairly certain I was going to get sucked in by some kind of swamp thing.

The water sprang up from the ground and formed a river. Here is something that not a lot of people know. The term "living water" is usually in reference to a river or a creek or some kind of moving water. Defined as:

Moving water, as in a stream or river, as opposed to water in a pond or pool.

The reason its called living water is in contrast to still water. Or dead water:

still water without any current.
Why? Because when water is stagnate it causes things to grow in it. Usually making the water undrinkable.  However, if the water is moving it becomes difficult for things to grow in, bacteria for example. Making fresh spring water or "living water" desirable over any other kind of water.

So, basically Israel forsakes God's moving, living, healthy, life sustaining water... for what? Man-made cisterns:

a reservoir, tank, or container for storing or holding water or other liquid.
They gave up an endless supply of fresh water to build their own cisterns to put water in. What? What the heck are you going to put in those cisterns? Are you going to fill it up with water from God's spring? No, because they forsook that thing... so where does the water come from? Even if you could find your own water supply then you have to fill it... and it becomes stagnate and dead. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! I mean really think about how ridicules this sounds (which is kinda God's point). But then he goes on to say that the cisterns are broken! They don't even hold water! They must have sucked at building cisterns. Or rather, if we took this for the metaphor that God is implying we suck at making our own gods.

 Let me take this to a more practical example of today. We don't really have to deal with the draw backs of cisterns these days (at least we pretend not to). Instead lets look at relationships. There are only two options for someone to make a choice like the one God's implying. First is being completely and utterly stupid. An excuse we'd like to use, no doubt. Or being utterly full of pride. We have to do it ourselves. We need to be self dependent. We don't need God. Like porn is better than a healthy marriage cause we don't have to commit to the other person. Like our being alone is better than a healthy friendship. 'Cause it's easier. Like every time we do something in our own strength or for our owns reasons other than God's because we either think He's taking too long, He ain't going to do what we want, or we've figured out something better.

But here's the kicker. The one planted right in our teeth. God says:

"What fault did your ancestors find in me, that they strayed so far from me?"

 [Jeremiah 2:5]

 It isn't just that we're choosing something over God. It's that we think SO POORLY of His plans, His designs, Him, that we give up on Him. He isn't good enough! So we've got to do this thing ourselves. His plan isn't what I want, so I'm going to do it my way. The woman/man God has picked out for me AIN'T WORTH WAITING FOR. The friends in my life AIN'T WORTH DYING OVER. The Mission He has for me AIN'T WORTH THE CROSS.

Man, if we could just get it in our heads. He is Good enough. He works ALL things together for our Good [Romans 8:28]. Trust him that the living water is going to sustain us so much longer and better than whatever we can work out for ourselves. Maybe we'd stop running into marriages and relationships that just fall apart. Maybe we'd stop ruining friendships and relationships with our leaders an pastors and submit to the process that God is trying to use to clean our act up. If we could just trust that the man or women that God is making us to be is worth being! That is everything we've ever wanted. That God isn't just setting us aside to get glory from our misery but to get glory from our perfection made possible through Christ Jesus.

My wicked black root

My whole life I've never really been known for my humility. Primarily because I've spent most of my life being put down. I found it pretty counter productive to join in on that whole band-wagon. I remember at a young age, somewhere between 5 and 6 years old, I was too afraid to ride a bicycle. I had crashed a few years before and it scared me pretty good. My father tried in vain to get me back on the horse. It didn't take. I imagine it was pretty embarrassing to his friends to have his eldest born boy, named after him, screaming like a girl whenever he put me on a bike. I know that he probably forget it moments after he made the statement but I will never forget the words he told me in frustration after the umpteenth time trying to get me to ride.

"I'm ashamed you have my name."

That wasn't easy for me to swallow. My whole life up to that point I had prided myself in my father's name. It wasn't any surprise to me though. My little brother had always been tougher than me. He didn't cry much. He was built larger than me. He was braver than me. I envied those traits. I always felt that my dad had wanted to share his name with him. To hear him say that confirmed all my fears.

Fast-forward to the 6th grade. My family was going through an extra-ordinarily difficult time. Money was tight. My dad had to work nights just to pay the rent. After a huge argument between all of my siblings I remember us sitting down for a family meeting. I have always had a pretty big mouth. I've never been very good at just letting things go. I hated inequity. I hated cruelty and I hated disrespect. All of which I'm certain I participated in. But that didn't stop me from tearing into people for it. During the meeting, my father made the statement:

"A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link."

My eldest sister turned to me and with absolute conviction said to me.

"That's you."

That was rough. I loved my sister. I loved all of my family and I'd never do anything to willing hurt them. But the truth was I had always felt like that was true anyway. So to hear it verbally spoken was devastating. Not many people can relate to the story of Gideon. I do. I come from a broken family. I am the weakest in my household.

By the time I got saved, I was jaded to put it lightly. I've spent the last four years trying to peel back the layers of my own insecurities. Desperately trying to find the wicked black root of my own pride. Trying to figure out exactly what put that chip on my shoulder that causes me to react violently to the world around me. Each time I've been able to deal with a chunk of it, it has taken the voice of a friend to do so. Someone who I both respect and I know respects me to take me aside and say "Hey, let me tell you from the heart what I'm seeing." The insight from them has been beyond value.

Something that's really bothered me lately though is how rare those occurrences are.

More than once I've been talking to someone and said something stupid or something arrogant and instead of receiving correction the person has flat out cut me down. It didn't feel real loving. It certainly didn't correct me. But it sure hurt like hell. Like... how long has you thought that about me? Why have you never said something. Why would you act like there isn't something wrong and then flip a chicken on my suddenly? What happened to edify your brothers and sister? Why don't we do that?

Don't get me wrong though, it ain't like I've never been corrected before. I am so utterly thankful to my friends and pastors who have been man or women enough to take me aside and tell me how it is. In fact three of the greatest men I know, Pastor Adam Washburn, Sean Gleasn, and Jordan Shaw have all at some time or another been man enough and respect me enough to take me aside and tell me straight up I'm being prideful.

Even still, I've got to evaluate myself. Am I man enough to do the same thing for people? I remember recently talking with one of my best friends Alex Maras and he said something that annoyed the crap out of me because I had a problem with his character and whatever he said totally reenforced what bothered me. So I cut him down. I said something sharp, it wasn't really mean. But it wasn't kind. HOW DARE I. HOW FREAKIN DARE I. That's my brother. Like not the the cute christian way or the crappy "thats my bro" way. I mean that we have bled together. We've cried together. We've gone a long way through this life together and damnit he deserves a little more respect than that.

We all do. We walk in the presence of heirs to the throne. Every day. Anointed priests and Kings. How terribly disrespectful of us to just cut them down. Shouldn't our priority, if we see something wrong, be to correct it? Why do we have to assume the person WANTS to be that way. And you know honestly, I think that's being nice. To say we "assume the person wants to be that way". Nah, we know they don't. But we don't care. That's their weakness. It justifies every negative thing we think about that person. Every slight they've made. Every er. That weakness makes them weak. We like that. What an injustice. Father I repent.

Lord, help me to have the same respect you have for me, for others. Help me to have the guts to address the hard issues. To love someone enough that when I see weakness in them, I make it my mission to build it up. To cover it. I repent of my selfish and wicked motivations that have caused me to leave many in the body weak. Give me life enough to share and love enough for all.

God didn't make the night

I've heard this statement so many times: "If God made the world why did he make evil." Like God authored it. Like God started it. Like His entire intention included pain and hurt and death. Like God isn't good, or like he can be both at the same time.

But... what gets me is that wherever I shine my flashlight, I can't find the dark. I've got this theory and I think maybe you can understand it. Maybe we've got this whole good and evil thing all mismatched and upside down. Our take on darkness implies that darkness is a thing, like it was created. But maybe, its just the opposite. No where in the bible do I see "then God created darkness". No the closest thing we have is that God created light. Then he SEPARATED it from the dark. So that wherever there was light, darkness couldn't be.


If then, God is the light. If God is good. Then there can't be any darkness where He is. What does that imply? That darkness isn't a thing at all. Darkness is an absence of The Light. So evil is just an absence of Good. So, where did He go? Why is there darkness?

Go back to the beginning, flip over to Genesis. Where Adam fell. Where we made the choice to live our lives without God. Now, if you'll take the time, read chapters Genesis to Malachi and try to tell me you don't see a God who spent his entirety trying to get back into our hearts. Then read Matthew to Revelation and tell me He didn't give it all.

God didn't make the night. We just don't understand how bad life is without Him. How bad we are without Him. It isn't cause we're inherently evil. It's because we were made to be with Him and we're broken without Him.

We're like a plant that needs light. A plant that needs water. A plant that needs food. And we go plant ourselves in a cave and wonder why we're dying. He provided the soil and the sun and the water. But we're in a cave.

"Why did he forsake me?"

"Why are you in a cave?"

Like our argument even makes sense. We have a choice, to have God in our lives or to not have God in our lives. Either we allow His light to illuminate our lives, or we live in the cave. But don't get it crooked, He didn't make the darkness. He made the light.

Why should I waste my time "serving" the "church"?

I've spent countless hours serving my church. I've done things I've hated. I've done things I've loved. I've worked with people who've gotten on my nerves. I've gotten on the nerves of everyone I've worked with. I've completed task I found completely pointless, some of which were incredibly taxing. I've missed birthday parties, graduations, weddings, and funerals because I put a service before them. I've lost friends and gained friends. More than once I've asked the question: "What am I doing here? Why am I wasting my time?" Usually the question rises out of frustration or out of self-righteous indignation. Each time, I remind myself of the three core reasons I do what I do.

Reason one why I waste of time serving: I'm so freaking good at it. I volunteer in our tech department, something I'm really really good at. Not because I know something that other people don't. Because I know how to figure things out. I like to troubleshoot. I love it when a computer fails or a feed glitches out. Computer crashes? Lights failing? Awesome. Thats what I'm good at. I've always excelled at finding patterns, breaking down equations and solving problems. I eat sleep and breath it. Whenever we get new volunteers at church I always try and find out what their good at. When you find out what you're good at you begin to find a passion for it... which leads me to my second reason for wasting my time.

Reason dos why I waste my time serving: I freaking love it. I adore it. Nothing lights a fire in my bones like seeing a service go off without a hitch. There is nothing like seeing a video project you've spent months working on turn out amazing and hear about how it effected lives. If we're not effecting lives, everything we do inside the four walls is utterly pointless. So I'm fiercely passionate about our media. It turns some people off. I offend people way too often. But I'm a little ok with that. My passion with either inspire others around me or weed out the people who aren't really passionate. I woke with some of the most passionate people I've ever met and when we get in a room together to hash out a project, you better believe sparks fly. I couldn't tell you how many times I've argued about something just because I didn't like the color of it, or the way it sounded coming off my tongue or even the way it felt in my hands. It's gotta be perfect. It has to be excellent and only the very best. What we do, we do in the name of Christ an it should represent him in every way. It should be done with care and with purpose. With passion! And that brings me to my third point.

The primary reason why I willing waste my time, energy and life "serving" the "church" is God. I do it because it's what He would do. He has imbued in each of us characteristics and passions that reflect His glory and goodness. I don't do it because Ill feel better at night "doing my good deed" for the Lord. I do it because He made me to do it. Because I take joy in it. I do it because that's the character He wants to develop in me. Someone who isn't afraid to just serve. To just work. He gave me the passion and the ability. What else do I eat sleep and breath for if not to fulfill His purpose for my life? There isn't anything on God's green earth I would sacrifice to see someone else get a hold of that. This world might be full of entertainment and "happiness" you might find some fun in your money or your job or your spouse but you won't find any joy. That is an antidote for this world that flows straight from the veins of Christ. When you connect into His arm like an IV you get filled up with most complete joy you could ever ask for.

There are a lot of people who either don't understand or don't want to understand why I waste my time "serving" the "church". I doubt reading this will change their minds much. You don't understand God by reading about Him or preaching about Him. You learn about Him down in the trenches, where He is. Fighting to reach every single person on earth. You experience Him holding the hands of His broken people and loving them back to life. Sometimes that means Getting up on a stage and teaching His message. Sometimes it means scrubbing the toilets till they shine just right. Most of the time it takes a lot of energy. No matter what you do, it requires servitude.

Running In Neutral

This picture has nothing to do with my blog. Just wanted to prove animals like me.

When I was growing up I used to hang out with my friend Dylan Burroughs a lot. We were super close friends. Unfortunately we were also both hot tempered. We used to get pretty ticked of pretty easily. After one of our many arguments I remember Dylan's dad Thomas taking me off to the side. "You're running in neutral." He told me.

It's something I've always done. When I'm emotionally or physically exhausted my brain kicks into neutral. I stop making purposeful decisions. My demeanor changes, my expression is usually blank and emotionless. I am almost entirely controlled by my environment when I'm running in neutral. It's a terrible place to be.

Lately I've noticed my increasing use of neutral. It usually how I cope with things I don't want to think about. I flip my brain into neutral and I just work. The problem being that when I run into people I tend to be really short and seemingly rude. Especially people I don't want to talk to. I realize that I seem like I'm angry or upset with people when in reality I'm just not there.

It's not surprising that people would think I'm angry though. I spent four years of high school developing an angry demeanor. That's how I handled being bullied or the fact that people in general didn't like me. I flipped myself into neutral and put on the angriest attitude I had. Now, even when I don't intend to, whenever I try not to think about something I end up going into a neutral state and looking all ticked off at the world. To me, it's a little bit funny because usually I'm no where near angry.

However, to others it's hurtful. Rude. So I'm trying my best to instead of going around in neutral just trying to take captive my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and focus on the good in situations (Philippians 4:8). I don't think its acceptable to allow myself to just run in neutral because honestly, if we're not living a purpose life for Christ than this world will put its own purpose for our lives. Our actions, our attitudes and our words shouldn't be passive. They should be wielded like tools or weapons to create, defend, build up, and correct.

Find Shelter

You'll have to forgive me, this post may seem a bit repetitive in the sense that I'm piggy packing off of another one of my Pastor's sermons. Frankly talking about my Pastor's sermons is one of my favorite pass times. It really helps me to evaluate and grab a hold of what God is trying to teach me through my Pastor.

My whole life I've had to deal with Death. It has been very evident sense I was very little. In fact, at the age of 5 I came to the terms that eventually I would die, and believing that nothing happens after died (because all the Christians I had known up this this point felt really phony to me... a 5 year old) I figured I would just cease to exist. My ultimate resolution to this was that if I died I wouldn't even be around to miss not living so it couldn't be all that bad. But it was terrifying.

Under that world view I lived my entire childhood. Frankly nothing in this world really warranted my attention. It didn't really deserve my time. After all, eventually I would die so whats the point? You might say I was a "tad" cynical. I began to look for somewhere to hide from what I believe to be a harsh reality. Don't get me wrong here... I was suicidal or even depressed really by this reality. Not at first. I just didn't want to think about it. I wanted to avoid the whole idea of death; of life. So I hid. First I hid in toys, games, make believe. I never wanted to do anything real. I wanted to live in fantasy. Eventually that really didn't work out so I moved on to books. I used to read eight hundred page books a week. Sometimes people wonder how I know random stupid facts, probably because I picked it up in a book somewhere and stashed it away for a rainy day.

Eventually my escapism lead me to video games I talked about that a week or so ago in my blog Why I Have Given Up Video Games... 

Sometimes I hid in lust. Sometimes I hid in anger. Sometimes I hid in desperation. I was always looking for somewhere to shelter myself from that world I really didn't enjoy. It was my way of coping with what I didn't want to accept.

Tonight, my Pastor talked about finding shelter in God. It's a pretty simple concept. One that most of us Christians have heard before and have even practiced. However, it brought me to a sudden reality: Even with my avoiding of video games I've found myself desperately trying to hide myself in them again and again. If not them, television. Something to get my mind off of the things I really don't want to think about.

It's not that I don't seek God. I do my devotions almost every day.  I pray every day. I worship God every day. However, usually after running to Him with my problems. I usually end up feeling hopeless anyway... I talked about that in my previous blog: Fear: An evaluated look, inspired by my Pastor

I don't really trust where my help comes from (Psalm 121:1). I don't, when I'm feeling defeated or beaten up find refuge in Christ (Psalm 57:1). I bring my problems and my woes but I don't hide in Him. I don't look for shelter. I for some reason think its still my job to take the brunt of it. Like Jesus didn't die on the cross. LIKE JESUS DIDN'T DIE ON THE CROSS. Like the whole point of it all is that I don't have to bare that. At least not alone. As if God didn't provide a place for me. Like he isn't waiting in our secret place to look after me. To converse. To absolve. To forgive.

Sometimes I wonder at how stupid I can be. So easily confused or deceived. We humans are SO FUNNY. We can repeat something, completely understand it. Put it to practice and then forget the entire purpose of it. We take what God intended for relationship and we turn it right into a mechanical religion. It becomes ceremony.

"Of course I brought it to God!" And then I picked it up and walked out with it. LOL!

Tonight I really think I got the meaning that David was getting at in Psalm 121. Taking refuge in God. Crawling underneath the Word of God and letting God defend me. Veiling myself in His goodness. Like, "I don't care about what's going on. God's handling the situation bro. I'm just going to sit here and hide. In the corner, clad in Kevlar behind the blast shield. I think he can handle it."

Fear: An evaluated look, inspired by my Pastor

Fear: The root to the majority of our mistakes. It's the one thing God immediately drives from our hearts. It's
something that causes our faith to not work. It's something (ironically) that we're afraid to admit we have. It pushes us to do extraordinary things. It causes us to make terrible mistakes.

Tonight, Pastor Seth Trenda preached a really relevant message about "Brain Storms". About what happens in our minds when the Truth of God begins to conflict with our fears, our worries, our negative thoughts. He painted a vivid image of a thunderstorm swirling in our minds. The confusion. The worry. The Pain. The Fear that consumes us. I was struck uncommonly by this particular message.

Fear has always been relevant in my life.

When I was 9 years old I remember one of the worst nights of my life. My family was living on twenty acres near that Kalamath Falls area. Just outside of Chiloquin, Oregon. My father was away, dealing with some issues regarding our property. My three siblings and I were with my Grandmother outside. It was just turning dusk. A truck stormed through our property, coming to rest just outside our trailers. When we went outside, we found my father's ex-girlfriend and some older man sitting in the truck. They were clearly quite drunk. When my grandmother confronted them, the woman got out of the car and began screaming at my Grandmother. For whatever reason she didn't like her. In a few minutes my sixty plus grandmother was laying on the ground while a thirty something year old two hundred pound woman beat her to a bloody pulp. I have never been more afraid in all of my life. I remember my oldest sister and my little brother trying to pull her off my grandmother. All I could do was stand there and cry.

I didn't do anything. I was too afraid. To this day, I wish I had been brave enough to do something. Anything to stop her.

When I got older, I developed quite a hate for fear. I despise being afraid. I am too afraid of what might happen if I allow fear to control a situation (another irony). Sometimes I am belligerently aggressive about a situation because of how afraid I am of it. Often times, I make absolutely terribly decisions because I refuse to be afraid. I always see fear as being my enemy. I respond defensively to situations because of the fear that it might produce.

Tonight though, sometime dawned on me. There is a little something to fear that I never realized. I have always been good at "overcoming" my fears. In fact I prefer the "shock and awe" "overkill" kind of attitude towards it. What I have no been good at, is finding hope in my fears. When I think a situation is hopeless, I push through the fear anyway, but I do so hopelessly. I don't expect it to go well. I don't believe I have a possibility of success.

I try. Half heartily. I never invest too much into a situation or a plan because I allow my fears to take the hope. How. Utterly. Terrible. How stupid is that? I make war against fear but allow it to take the spoils. I give up the whole reason to be fighting in the first place. I surrender the prize. HOPE. And with hope goes everything else. Joy. Love. Overcoming.

As I reflected tonight on Pastor Seth's message it really caused me to evaluate my attitude towards fears. How I deal with them. The problem we have is that we allow our fears to define our hope. We have a specific idea about how a situation should turn out. We put our hope in that. Then, we put all our fear into it. When it doesn't come out the way we wanted and exactly what we feared comes on us (Job 3:25), we lose that hope. I think instead, our attitude should be to put our hope in God's goodness manifesting in a situation. Allow our hope to be that He will finish what he starts (Philippians 1:6).

Have hope that despite how you'd like the situation to turn out, or how you think it should turn out, God is doing a GOOD work in your life. Place hope in that.

Purity

I've posted about purity before in my blog, but this time I really want to focus on something that's been bugging me for a while.

I'll start with defining Purity.

pu·ri·ty
noun

1. the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes,etc.: the purity of drinking water.
2. freedom from any admixture or modifying addition.
3. ceremonial or ritual cleanness.
4. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence.
5. physical chastity; virginity.

The kind of purity that I'm thinking about is more about the mind than the body. Jesus said in Matthew 15:10-11:

"When He had called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, “Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.”

We're called above all else, to keep our mouths clean. Yet, I've seen people get mocked for attempting this by fellow Christians. Moreover, I've seen people criticized and downplayed when they try to encourage others not to speak crass or rudely.

Let me stop here for a second and explain exactly what I mean when I'm talking about an unclean mouth. I'm not talking about "swear" words. I'm referring to derogatory, sexually perverse, base speech.

I'm also not trying to sell some kind of legalistic law here either. Rather I'm trying to express my concerns of the spirit of the law itself. That we attack people, laugh at people, downplay individuals who try to keep their thoughts or their mouths clean.

I think the reason that we do this (I say we because what is most distressing about this subject for me is my own violation of it) because we associate Purity/Innocent with Naivety. As if, to choose to think filthy or perverse thought opposed to a pure or innocent thought on a subject, is better because it shows knowledge.

It's that whole knowledge of "good and evil" thing biting us straight in the bum. It's not necessarily that people (I think) disagree with purity but rather that they find the notion rather naive. As if we could live in a sinned filled world and not be corrupted by its culture and customs.

Yet, Paul warns us in Romans 12:2:
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

If I'm honest. When I hear someone I would otherwise find to live a life of purity, or whom I respect, speak perversely or in a base manner. It breaks my heart. I hate it. Not that I'm upset at the person, but that this world continually assaults our purity and righteousness. And we SELL OUT FOR SO CHEAP. As if we don't even understand the value placed on our purity. Like we don't see the pearls we're just casting to the swine.

We give our innocence away for promises of knowledge or understanding that we previously didn't have. As if obtaining that perverse information somehow will "better" us. We TRADE THE PROMISES OF GOD FOR A LIE (Romans 1:25). Frankly it breaks my heart. Every single time.

Even though I still make those same mistakes, even though I sell out for so cheap. That heart break just encourages me every time to take a little bit wider steps in the direction of purity and makes me think twice about giving an inch back. I desperately wish our generation could grasp how amazing, how beautiful, and how life changing it truly is to live pure. Not just physically (although that's important too!) but really to fight the battle mentally.

Becoming a man...

Sometimes, I wish that becoming a man was as easy as our culture makes it look. Sometimes, I wish that becoming a man was a simple as some treat it. Sometimes I envy those who spend their life as boys, never having to actually step up to the proverbial plate before them. It's so much easier! It takes so much less time. Get a job, get a car, get a wife. Have kids. Presto, man. Like, making money and obtaining things automatically brings us to some kind of maturity. Like having a women is more effective than loving a women. Like working a job is more important than effecting a life. As if when we learn to focus on ourselves, we suddenly reach the pentacle of our earthy existence.

I'm so tired of hearing about it. I'm so tired of seeing it! Watching people just blow themselves up over it. I watch young men fall apart every day over it! Then, when they get there they fall apart again. Realizing that everything they had hoped they'd get when they reached that goal isn't even there. That being a "man" isn't even the same thing as being a man. They get that cheap taste in their mouths and they don't even know how to cope with the lie they've been told for the last couple decades of their life.

It's really not surprising though. This life is so hard. This route I've decided to take is so long. It's drained years. Its drained emotions. Its drained patients. Its brought me to the edge of myself time and time again. Its caused me to stretch and become more than what circumstances have left me as. I've spent many sleepless nights crying out to God. I've shed enough tears to revitalize the Sierra desert. I've made mistakes. I've gotten hurt. It just isn't easy. But, even all that would be easy if only the path was clear. But it's not, it's wild. It's overrun with the unknown. It's an adventure. It requires more endurance and perception than any boy is capable of possessing. It forces us into men.

Real men are kind. Real men are patient. Real men are not self seeking. Real men are not puffed up. Real men don't envy. Real men aren't provoked. Real men think no evil. Real men don't celebrate iniquity. Real men celebrate truth. Real men bear all things. Real men believe all things. Real men HOPES all things. Real men endure. Real men are Love. And love doesn't fail. Love goes to the places other people don't want to go. It does the work, most men deem too difficult. It deals with the situations people don't want to deal with. Love is hard.

So I'm learning to put away childish things. To set the video games, the fantasies, the delusions aside. To focus on the things that are not just important to my Father, but to me. Honestly.

I am so far from being a man. Each day takes me no measurable distance closer to becoming one. Its a process. If it wasn't, we wouldn't need seventy plus years to do it. So, I sit here. Screaming in the night. Fighting in the day. Desperately trying to look forward. Trying to learn from my mistakes. Trying to learn to be kind. Trying to learn to be love. And even though I usually feel unqualified, ill-equipped and stacked against... I take Hope that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead is working in me. Teaching me to be in this world and not off it. To work. To use my passions for glory. To love. Bringing me hope when in the dead of night it all just seems so hopeless.

This video by Trae Elijah says it pretty accurately.

Love. Is. Kind.

The older I get the more I realize how unkind I can be. I'm actually blown away by how unloving I have been. People like to think that loving someone is in part measured by our intentions. I've heard the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Love is not measured by intentions. Intentions didn't take Jesus to the cross. Action did.

I suddenly realize how little my actions resemble love. My intentions have always been good. Even filled with love. Rarely, however my actions have. I tend to be quick and sharp. I've allowed this world to shape me into a tool. One that is jaded and hard. Pointed and sharp like a broken piece of glass. I cut to the touch.

My heart swells with regret and desperation. That's what Jesus does inside of us. He swells us with love. He digs deep inside us, nestles down and then pushes out. My heart swells with love and its my responsibility to express that love, to share it. To freely scatter that love. To give it the opportunity to plant itself in someone else's heart.

Father, open my eyes and my heart to what you're doing in other's lives. Give me kind words. A gentle touch. Loving actions. Let my speech be full with purpose. Let my serving be full of praise. Let me be transparent father. Broken before you and confident in your grace. Remind me continually of your power in my life. Teach me to share. Break open my heart to your world Lord and let me spend every ounce of this life until I am empty and spent. Broken and filled.

The Human Heart

The human heart has always puzzled me. As I have gone through the Bible I've gotten a rough glimpse at it from the outside looking in. It causes us often to chase after things we never needed and sometimes it hardens against the one thing we do. It has often lead us astray and away from our true love. Its often called fickle.

However, once in a while it aspires to greatness. Now and then it causes a man or woman to rise to action. To do the unthinkable. It dismisses fear. It breaks apart even the most terrible of circumstances and causes us to overcome things we would never have thought possible. Above all it has caused us to be moved with compassion. It causes us to love.

It's a tool, like a compass when we are lost in the thick woods. Like the bright north star when we're lost at sea. It guides us forward. The difference between our demise and our salvation lies in how we gauge it. How we interpret it. The north star is useless if you don't know it points north.

We must learn to do what David did. We must learn to use God as our North. If we learn to line our hearts up to Him, we'll find it leads us straight into his warm embrace. What more could we want? What more does this world have to offer than the Father's love? What else would I heart desire. The problem is our hearts get all off focus, they lose their gauge and they run a muck looking for that love.

Father, teach me. Guide me. Watch over me and above all else, guard my heart. Its fickle and untrained, but it desperate desires you. Teach me to find a woman after you heart. To surround myself with those who run for you. Let my fickle heart let go of things that hurt me and to grab a hold of your trail and guide me home.

Fear

I am convinced that in my life, I think, that the most difficult thing about being a man, specifically a Christian man, is the fear. A terribly feeling that seems to attack us everywhere. At our home, in our workplace. On the stage and in the darkest depths of the night. It is present at every decision in our life. It fights heavily against every accomplishment. It is FEAR that has convinced me of the presence of God. You see because in every dark corner of our minds. Where fear triumphs. There is a still quite voice steadily whispering in our ears "Do not fear." It is here that I am introduced to the strongest quality in every man. Courage.

It makes me wonder, if maybe Father knew that we would be so afraid, that we would betray Him. So He whispered into our hearts the very tool to see us to the other side. Because where Fear persists God persists. Where fear attacks, God strengthens. In courage we find the very spirit of God ushering us along. What more could a man ask for than to have his Father forever fighting in his corner.

The importance of a planted tree...

While I was in Israel I had the privilege of speaking to and amazing Jewish man named Ariel. He was a brilliant gentleman who took me around and showed me some of the historical landmarks in Tel Aviv. After we took our little tour I remember standing next to him by the old train station watching some of our  party talking under a great big tree. He leaned over to me and said the most profound thing. He told me that the tree they were underneath had massive roots to hold up its weight. Twice as deep as the tree was tall. Something broke loose in my spirit as I came to a realization: my whole life I've been measure by what is seen above ground. Its easy to look at my life and sum it up by the little that is seen. In fact there are many individuals who I know, who I work with that could easily be measured in such a way... even Ariel, who did not seem like much on the surface but just a few moments with him made me see exactly how deep those roots go. Men like him, like my pastors who's roots run deep... they support a lot of weight. They carry our generation on their backs.

It makes me sad to think of these because I also see people who seem larger than life... who think they have everything so figured out and then one day the wind blows just a little too hard and the roots snap and the world sees just how shallow those roots were. I wish my generation could get to the understand that there is nothing wrong with growing deep. That there is more to life than just growing up. There is more to life than your job and your spouse and your own little world. That when a small tree is cut down, if the roots hold steady... it will grow again.

"The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
13 planted in the house of the Lord,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
14 They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,
15 proclaiming, “The Lord is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."

[Psalm 92:12-15]


I want that out youth would take this scripture and run with it. To plant themselves in the Lord's house. To grow and focus on an inward man and stop worrying about the outward. Hes dead anyway.

Giving honor where honor is due

Sometimes in all the hustle and bustle of life we don't stop long enough to really appreciate the blessings and the opportunities that have placed us where we are. We take for granted sometimes in our pride the true humbleness of our very place in life. So, for a moment, I just want to stop and say how blessed I have been by first the evangelism and outreach of Timothy Roy Durr and the ministry Elevate Generation Church that brought me to my Father's house. How blessed I was to walk into the preaching of Pastor's Glen Johnson and Seth Trenda who strengthened my faith the moment I set foot in Faith Center Church. The practical and authentic teaching I have received in the past 3 years of my life has been key in my life choices and my walk with God. The lives, including my own that have been touched by these amazing people are countless, thank you.

If you need a place to call home, or have questions about God. Consider Faith Center Church.
http://www.faith-center.com
http://www.elevategc.com

How To Drink Water

We like to think of Christ's righteousness like water. The word is often referred to it as the waters of life. We talk about thirsting after God, but the problem is that when you're thirsty, you know you're thirsty. Its instinctive to know the feeling of not having water.

Here's were it gets cray cray. The way we view our spiritual lives is the same way we view our drinking habits. I'm a prime candidate of drinking sugary drinks in replacement of water. It tastes better. Its easier to drink, I like the taste. Its immediate. I don't drink water that often, cause there's no immediate "feel-good" to it. The irony is that a half hour after drinking my sugar-filled-death-drink I get a headache or I crash. Had I drank water, I'd be feeling awesome. Instead, I feel like crap. We do the same thing with Christ. We like the sugar filled gospel. It taste good. It feels good. It has an immediate benefit to us. The problem is that it won't sustain us. We get thirsty. We get headaches.

So you'd think it be pretty obvious, like drink water and you'll do better in the long run. Its easy for us to say "those luke warm Christians, always drinking the sugar water!" but the reality is that most people don't even realize there is water. They don't know that the thirst they feel isn't for the cheap easy christian life. They don't know its for the full sustaining and revitalizing life.

How do we fix this? Whats the remedy for our sugar-consuming christian habits? Its so simple. Teaching. You can't expect someone who doesn't know something to be accountable for that information. We as a body have to remind each other whats good for us and whats not. We have to teach each other and prove what is pleasing and acceptable. The best way to do that is to offer people water. I.E. the Word of God. I'm talking really good stuff, the deep stuff at the bottom of the well. Something with substance. When people get the taste of that... and see how it sustains them in the difficult times, they'll never go back to the sugar water. It won't be the same.

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

My heart goes out to a generation of boys who have grown up not knowing what a man is or how even to become one. I fear for this next generation of young men. So lost in the concepts and cultures of this world that they can't see that the past is being repeated in front of them. The very causes of their own pain and struggle as children is bring repeated in their own lives. The same mistakes. The same lusts and poor decisions based on emotions have them trapped into settling for a life sub-par from what God has in store for them.

I was raised by a Paradox of a man. My father is a good man. I've never met a more caring and loving father. I could tell you from the time I could speak that my daddy loved me. He would move heaven and earth to see me safe. Nothing was above giving up for his children. Nothing. He taught me how to treat a lady, that they are to protected and looked after. And yet, he fell short in treating them as a wife. He failed utterly as a husband. It wasn't because he was unfaithful, or because he didn't care for or love them. But he was a hurt man and because he wasn't whole, he could never hope to be a part of a whole marriage. He was trapped by his owns lusts and confusion likely set before him by his own father and yet by some miracle always remained faithful to his wife.

I never had a mother. There was no one to take care of me, hold on to me or teach me what a lady was like. They were always a confusing and allusive creature to me and because of that, I tried very hard to exclude myself from them. Yet, some part of me knew it was my responsibility to look out for them. I was always the boy in class who spoke up when a girl was being picked on, when a boy was being rude. When I was in high school, I was considered the group "mom" who always spoke out against derogatory or base remarks from the other young men. Many a time I would get into fights and arguments with other boys over such things. Its how my father taught me. To stand up against what I believed was wrong and to do what was right no matter the personal cost.

By high school my exclusion from girls turned like most young men into a curiosity. My experience however taught me that there is a difference from girls and women.

When Christ entered my life, my ideas of manhood where utterly overthrown. And yet, principles that my father instilled in me flourished. I began to learn how much work it truly is, the responsibility .. the disciple required to fulfill the position.

As I have grown I have seen many young boys around me fall short. I don't say this in a judgmental way of their lack of discipline or their failure despite effort. But rather out of a lack of effort. They aren't trying. This is obviously a blanket statement and certainly doesn't apply to a select few. I have met many young men in my walk that have humbled me utterly with their conviction. However there are many to whom manliness is a forgotten ideal. It breaks my heart and in many cases frankly infuriates me. One day I will be a husband and a father and to see young men act the way that they do makes me sick. There is no respect for purity or lady-like behavior. There is no discipline for emotional and financial stability. Weak men create a weak culture.

And so I find myself more and more wishing to tell the young boys I meet one thing:

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

The Truth Of God For a Lie: Untamed Passions

I was recently listening to a podcast by Ravi Zacharias called "Character Counts". The basic idea was to go through the last three leaders of the old testament and discovery what choices they had made that lead the country to division. Ravi brought up an interesting point in the middle of his sermon... he pointed out how ridiculously talented and gifted these rulers were. Each in their own way had been blessed and gifted. And yet even with such great wisdom, power, blessings, each failed. Why? How could a man with the gift of wisdom marry hundreds of women and take absurd concubines? Why would he condone slave labor in order to build monuments to his own vanity? Then Ravi hit a nerve.

The reason these men failed were their untamed passions. Wow. Our untamed and unchecked passions, which are given to us by God if left unchallenged and unchecked can destroy us. Thats crazy. It doesn't matter how gifted we can be... it doesn't matter what anointing God puts on our life, if we allow our passions to overtake us, if we don't tame them... they will overwhelm us. How terrifying that thought is. Men specifically struggle with their untamed passions, and what a struggle that is. We're left handicapped. How unfair. I suppose it make since then why God didn't give Adam Eve right out of the gate. He had to get his stupidity under control. How that could have destroyed their relationship.... Yet God gave us our passions, didn't He? So that makes me wonder, how powerful can a man be who can control his passions? A man with vision is a dangerous thing, a passionate man with vision is an unstoppable force.

Imagine a man who has tamed his passions. Would that not make him a better husband? Wouldn't that make him an amazing one? What would he not give for his better half? The world? His life? I doubt there is anything on earth that could stop a man like that... but it goes beyond that.

What about passionate servants? Leaders? The two come hand in hand... maybe thats why some of the most twisted people to ever walk the earth believed they were helping the world, leading it into a brighter future. Men who are after money... power... they don't last long. Their passions, their lusts, often bring them low long before they are able to do much. But leaders... servants... who believe they are doing whats right... how dangerous they are when they have not tamed their passions.

It brings to mind this verse...
   
They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
[Romans 1:25]

Isn't that interesting... don't we do the same things when we leave our passions untamed? When our car becomes more important than our God? When our wife does? When our house does? When our career does? Do we daily exchange the TRUTH for a LIE? How terrifying to me that is... does my passion to see an amazing department in my church grow outweigh my passion for God? Saul's passion for people lead him to spare the life of a man God told him to kill. He chose man over God. It cost him his throne.

God, I pray you bring this verse to my memory whenever my passions begin to overwhelm me. I pray I am reminded that my zealous and stubborn heart needs awakened each morning by the sobering idea that my desires, though not inherently bad, must be checked. That I must hold captive my thoughts. That Christ is the only solution. That I need Him.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
[Romans 1:26-31]

Help Someone Who Deserves A Little Support

My friend Sabrina Hanson is trying very hard to win this Kindle Fire, from a crazy face contest. Besides the fact that her face is really nasty, she really deserves to win this thing. Heres why.

Sabrina has recently join our Church's media team and has put a enormous amount of time and energy into is. I can't tell you how blessed we have been to have a volunteer like this who is willing to give up so much of her time to see peoples lives changed.

Despite the tragedies that have recently gone on in her life, this girl has poured out everything for our team and I want to see her blessed! So if you have a moment, go to the link below and like the global venture page and vote for this young lady 5 times. You have to refresh the page each time you vote. I'm sure she appreciates all the votes and support shes getting. Thank you all.

http://promotion.binkd.com/Contest.aspx?id=7121&eid=334474

Take Captives...

As we become closer to God, our weaknesses become more apparent. Its not hard to see where we have fallen short. When compared to the living God... the perfect being... we always find ourselves lacking. Don't mistake this for a glorified pity party. Our recognition of our weakness comes hand in hand with the realization of God's amazing grace on us and the strength that He provides for us daily. However in that weakness we often find that our thoughts run wild.

I have always been one to immediately become frustrated with people. I would rather hit someone with a chair than actually deal with them. I don't like being slowed down. I don't like miss-communication. I don't like laziness or failure. Ironically all things I'm very guilty of. However, I tend to become impatient with people. I want them to get their crap together so I can move on with my life... this has never been a secret to me. I've always known of my inpatients but until Christ I never knew what to do with it. I could never process the irony of my failures being my greatest annoyance.

That is, until I understand the meaning of taking thoughts captive.

I'm a fighter. I'm a warrior. I like to break stuff. I like to bulldoze through things. I love overwhelming force. I love quick and decisive victory. So these words came to me with great weight. Take your thoughts captive... amazing. Imprison them. Don't let them run free. Keep them in a cage. Lock them away. I love it. Its a great idea. However... its unhealthy. You can't just lock stuff up and hope it goes away. You can't just bottle up emotion and frustration. It doesn't work. Eventually that coke can is going to blow up. Eventually I'll lose my patients.

Thats where things get tricky. Take them captive, and give them to Christ. Surrender them to Christ. Let Jesus take them and punish them accordingly. Let him take care of your stress and frustration. Let him deal with you in all your imperfectness. Thats what Hes really doing here. Hes dealing with you. Your pride. Your arrogance. Your temper. Let him do it. You suck at it. You can't deal with you. You're bigger than you can handle.

Thats genius! I can't deal with me! I'm too head strong! I'm too unbending! I'm too darn prideful! I'd rather punch me than talk to me! Let God do it. Let him deal with my unreasonable attitude. Let him deal with my temper. Hes probably a lot better at it, considering He made me.

This, has changed my life. I have learned that when my temper is let loose... or I start to become impatient or unreasonable... its time to get a little closer to the Lord. Its time to let God deal with my attitude. Intense worship of Him is the only way to deal with me. Demanding that my flesh submit to my God.

He always shows up. And He always helps me to understand myself, to deal with the root of the issue. To allow me the opportunity to put myself down and actually take up my cross. And when He does... my perspective begins to change. Suddenly I'm not so right. Suddenly I begin to really understand the situation. Its like a veil is lifted. Finally I can see. All I had to do was take captive my naive thoughts and hand them over to Christ to filter and understand. Its a great system. Take Captives.