Understanding Prosperity

I've often heard people use the phrase "dirt poor" I laugh every time. Very few people actually know what that means. Its been a long time since the people of the United States have had dirt floors. The closest thing even relatable for many is a crummy apartment building.

All of our perspectives are skewed by our experience. To some, being wealthy means having a home or going to college. To others it may be that next piece of property or a large investment paying off. But because our perspectives are skewed we tend to judge other's based off of what they do or don't have. We judge ourselves the same way. Whether its an attempt to define ourselves, prove ourselves, or just the desire to succeed... we tend to forget the point.

I was just sitting here drinking a cup of coffee doing a little reading and working on a project for my church. Not because I had to, but because it was enjoyable. It literally gives me joy. And not just a little bit of joy either. I mean there are few things in this world I enjoy more. Just sitting here in peace, working, thinking, drinking coffee. Its a truly intimate time for me. Its a time I like to pray, and discuss with God whats going on in my life, where I'm at. Suddenly it had occurred to me what Paul was talking about when he said in Philippians 4:12:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

I was like. HEY! Things aren't that bad, why am I always so worried about the struggle! Isn't the end all be all to be sitting here, with a cup of coffee, working on something with God? Isn't that the goal? To be sitting with Him, drinking coffee, going over the day. Planing our next move? Man, what have I been missing?

I understand WHY I think the way I do, I grew up dirt poor. I know what its like not to have. I know what its like to struggle. To be alone. To be destitute. I know what its like to feel totally useless. Those experiences drive me to work harder and at the same time drive me towards hopelessness, towards apathy. The knowing damages my perspective and causes me to idolize an idea of prosperity that doesn't even make since. It causes me to throw out any idea that doesn't fit into my perspective. Whats more, is that I know it, I understand it, I am vigilant against it, and yet I succumb to it. I succumb to how I view those with wealth and those without wealth. I succumb to how I view men's hearts. To what they'd do with it. The knowing doesn't help.

Get this. Knowing doesn't change it. It took a moment with God to even really understand it. Prosperity isn't about the wealth or the lack of it. Its not about even "being content with what you have" its about being content with the PROCESS. Is about letting it happen and just sitting down brewing another cup of coffee, putting your hands to something and saying, whats the next move God? Prosper me.

So that is what I'm going to do.

Running In Neutral

This picture has nothing to do with my blog. Just wanted to prove animals like me.

When I was growing up I used to hang out with my friend Dylan Burroughs a lot. We were super close friends. Unfortunately we were also both hot tempered. We used to get pretty ticked of pretty easily. After one of our many arguments I remember Dylan's dad Thomas taking me off to the side. "You're running in neutral." He told me.

It's something I've always done. When I'm emotionally or physically exhausted my brain kicks into neutral. I stop making purposeful decisions. My demeanor changes, my expression is usually blank and emotionless. I am almost entirely controlled by my environment when I'm running in neutral. It's a terrible place to be.

Lately I've noticed my increasing use of neutral. It usually how I cope with things I don't want to think about. I flip my brain into neutral and I just work. The problem being that when I run into people I tend to be really short and seemingly rude. Especially people I don't want to talk to. I realize that I seem like I'm angry or upset with people when in reality I'm just not there.

It's not surprising that people would think I'm angry though. I spent four years of high school developing an angry demeanor. That's how I handled being bullied or the fact that people in general didn't like me. I flipped myself into neutral and put on the angriest attitude I had. Now, even when I don't intend to, whenever I try not to think about something I end up going into a neutral state and looking all ticked off at the world. To me, it's a little bit funny because usually I'm no where near angry.

However, to others it's hurtful. Rude. So I'm trying my best to instead of going around in neutral just trying to take captive my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and focus on the good in situations (Philippians 4:8). I don't think its acceptable to allow myself to just run in neutral because honestly, if we're not living a purpose life for Christ than this world will put its own purpose for our lives. Our actions, our attitudes and our words shouldn't be passive. They should be wielded like tools or weapons to create, defend, build up, and correct.

Fear: An evaluated look, inspired by my Pastor

Fear: The root to the majority of our mistakes. It's the one thing God immediately drives from our hearts. It's
something that causes our faith to not work. It's something (ironically) that we're afraid to admit we have. It pushes us to do extraordinary things. It causes us to make terrible mistakes.

Tonight, Pastor Seth Trenda preached a really relevant message about "Brain Storms". About what happens in our minds when the Truth of God begins to conflict with our fears, our worries, our negative thoughts. He painted a vivid image of a thunderstorm swirling in our minds. The confusion. The worry. The Pain. The Fear that consumes us. I was struck uncommonly by this particular message.

Fear has always been relevant in my life.

When I was 9 years old I remember one of the worst nights of my life. My family was living on twenty acres near that Kalamath Falls area. Just outside of Chiloquin, Oregon. My father was away, dealing with some issues regarding our property. My three siblings and I were with my Grandmother outside. It was just turning dusk. A truck stormed through our property, coming to rest just outside our trailers. When we went outside, we found my father's ex-girlfriend and some older man sitting in the truck. They were clearly quite drunk. When my grandmother confronted them, the woman got out of the car and began screaming at my Grandmother. For whatever reason she didn't like her. In a few minutes my sixty plus grandmother was laying on the ground while a thirty something year old two hundred pound woman beat her to a bloody pulp. I have never been more afraid in all of my life. I remember my oldest sister and my little brother trying to pull her off my grandmother. All I could do was stand there and cry.

I didn't do anything. I was too afraid. To this day, I wish I had been brave enough to do something. Anything to stop her.

When I got older, I developed quite a hate for fear. I despise being afraid. I am too afraid of what might happen if I allow fear to control a situation (another irony). Sometimes I am belligerently aggressive about a situation because of how afraid I am of it. Often times, I make absolutely terribly decisions because I refuse to be afraid. I always see fear as being my enemy. I respond defensively to situations because of the fear that it might produce.

Tonight though, sometime dawned on me. There is a little something to fear that I never realized. I have always been good at "overcoming" my fears. In fact I prefer the "shock and awe" "overkill" kind of attitude towards it. What I have no been good at, is finding hope in my fears. When I think a situation is hopeless, I push through the fear anyway, but I do so hopelessly. I don't expect it to go well. I don't believe I have a possibility of success.

I try. Half heartily. I never invest too much into a situation or a plan because I allow my fears to take the hope. How. Utterly. Terrible. How stupid is that? I make war against fear but allow it to take the spoils. I give up the whole reason to be fighting in the first place. I surrender the prize. HOPE. And with hope goes everything else. Joy. Love. Overcoming.

As I reflected tonight on Pastor Seth's message it really caused me to evaluate my attitude towards fears. How I deal with them. The problem we have is that we allow our fears to define our hope. We have a specific idea about how a situation should turn out. We put our hope in that. Then, we put all our fear into it. When it doesn't come out the way we wanted and exactly what we feared comes on us (Job 3:25), we lose that hope. I think instead, our attitude should be to put our hope in God's goodness manifesting in a situation. Allow our hope to be that He will finish what he starts (Philippians 1:6).

Have hope that despite how you'd like the situation to turn out, or how you think it should turn out, God is doing a GOOD work in your life. Place hope in that.

Understanding sacrifice...

I've often wondered about the concept of sacrifice. It's kind of strange, isn't it?

Webster's dictionary defines sacrifice as:

1. an act of offering to a deity something precious; especially :  the killing of a victim on an altar
2. something offered in sacrifice
3. destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else
4. something given up or lost <the sacrifices made by parents>

Something given up. Something lost. It can't be returned. It can't be reacquired. It's gone.

In the church, we often sacrifice our time. Or creativity. Our minds. We give up our finances, we surrender our wills, we submit our choices. We give away something that we can't ever get back. We can't return time. We can't get back a choice once made. Sometimes I think we forget the significance of what we're really doing when we're setting up chairs for the next service. We forget the power we have every day. The choice.

Deuteronomy 30:15 says:

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction."

We sacrifice our will, our dreams, our ideas, our plans when we choose life. I don't think people really understand that when we choose to be false, to lie. To not be ourselves, we are literally choosing death. When we betray what we know to be true, not just about ourselves but about our God, we choose destruction.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've done that. I forget sometimes. I forget who I am, I look away from the mirror and suddenly I forget what I looked like (James 1:24). I don't just betray myself, as if that's not significant enough, I betray God's purpose and plan for me. I forget that who I am takes sacrifice. Sacrifice of what I THINK I should be. Sacrifice of not believing the lie. I forget that I have to lose that entirely. I have to give it up.

How else could we measure dedication?! How else could we show Him that we're submitted to Him? That we really love Him? Wait. Hold on, but is it sacrifice if we don't have a choice? Is it sacrifice if in order for us to have fellowship with Him, we have to first sacrifice ourselves? Sacrifice our choices, our thoughts, our bodies to Him? Isn't that the kicker though? He first gave. He first loved (1 John 4:19). We never entered into Christ through our sacrifice but through His.

How else would we measure love? How else would we really understand the depth of His love if not through sacrifice? And what greater love is there than to lay down one's life for another? (John 15:13)

It shakes me to the core. How shallow is my love? What weak is my sacrifice? It's so easy to give up things that are renewable. It's too easy. It's too easy to give up words. Compliments. Exaltation. Praise. Christ requires something deeper. Something from the core of a human being. He requires the heart. But it's a trade isn't it. His heart for ours. Our stony brittle broken hearts for his living beating flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

So then, what more could I give up? What more could I sacrifice? How much depth does my love really have? Search my heart. I think I kind of get what Paul meant when he said: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21).