Running In Neutral

This picture has nothing to do with my blog. Just wanted to prove animals like me.

When I was growing up I used to hang out with my friend Dylan Burroughs a lot. We were super close friends. Unfortunately we were also both hot tempered. We used to get pretty ticked of pretty easily. After one of our many arguments I remember Dylan's dad Thomas taking me off to the side. "You're running in neutral." He told me.

It's something I've always done. When I'm emotionally or physically exhausted my brain kicks into neutral. I stop making purposeful decisions. My demeanor changes, my expression is usually blank and emotionless. I am almost entirely controlled by my environment when I'm running in neutral. It's a terrible place to be.

Lately I've noticed my increasing use of neutral. It usually how I cope with things I don't want to think about. I flip my brain into neutral and I just work. The problem being that when I run into people I tend to be really short and seemingly rude. Especially people I don't want to talk to. I realize that I seem like I'm angry or upset with people when in reality I'm just not there.

It's not surprising that people would think I'm angry though. I spent four years of high school developing an angry demeanor. That's how I handled being bullied or the fact that people in general didn't like me. I flipped myself into neutral and put on the angriest attitude I had. Now, even when I don't intend to, whenever I try not to think about something I end up going into a neutral state and looking all ticked off at the world. To me, it's a little bit funny because usually I'm no where near angry.

However, to others it's hurtful. Rude. So I'm trying my best to instead of going around in neutral just trying to take captive my thoughts (2 Corinthians 10:5) and focus on the good in situations (Philippians 4:8). I don't think its acceptable to allow myself to just run in neutral because honestly, if we're not living a purpose life for Christ than this world will put its own purpose for our lives. Our actions, our attitudes and our words shouldn't be passive. They should be wielded like tools or weapons to create, defend, build up, and correct.