What I'm Counting On

I've recently been going through a season of understanding where I place my Hope. It's important that you understand what I mean by hope so I'll define it for ya.

hope
1. (n.) a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

2. (n.) a feeling of trust.

The word expectation is also important to define here.

Expectation

1. (n.) The act or state of expecting or looking forward to an event as about to happen.
2. (n.) That which is expected or looked for.

3. (n.) The prospect of the future; grounds upon which something excellent is expected to happen; prospect of anything good to come, esp. of property or rank.

4. (n.) The value of any chance (as the prospect of prize or property) which depends upon some contingent event. Expectations are computed for or against the occurrence of the event.

5. (n.) The leaving of the disease principally to the efforts of nature to effect a cure.

The Biblical definition of the word Hope means to be "exceedingly expecting".


What I've realized is that I've put a LOT of hope in things I can't rely on. I think we all tend to do that though. Either its that person we like or that job we want or even that grade we want, we tend to put a lot of trust into something or someone that simply can't be depended on. It's not that that person isn't "good enough" or "reliable enough" or what have you or that you're not "smart enough" or "experienced enough" to get the job or grade that you want, its just that it's all built on sand. Things change. That is a fact. So if our hopes are constructed around something that can change then we can lose hope and that is the easiest way to wound our hearts.

Proverb 13:12 says:

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.

I found myself in this place where I was just so terribly heartsick by my circumstances and I couldn't help but cry out to God and ask: "What is going on?!" "Why do I feel like this?" "What am I doing wrong, Lord?!"

God brought me to this verse and it has really caused me to evaluate my hopes. 1 Peter 1:3 says:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,"

I've really had to make a conscious effort to keep my hope in Christ alone. What things am I hoping for instead of hoping in Jesus? Because those same things can be the death of my heart. Every time I hope in something that is shifting and changing I risk heart failure. I risk apathy. I risk hurt. This is huge! Because in Proverb 4:23 it says:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

BOOM! How can we expect to live a full life if our hearts, from which EVERYTHING WE DO FLOWS, are always sick?! So I was checking out John Mark McMillan's Album "Borderland" And its been the sound track to this season of my life and the song "Counting On" has become my anthem. Because quite frankly He is what I'm counting on. For my business. For my future spouse. For my breakfast every morning. For my health. For any fruit in my life. I'm just a branch sown into the Vine. I can't do anything without him, I rely solely on Him to bring life to my death.

Understanding sacrifice...

I've often wondered about the concept of sacrifice. It's kind of strange, isn't it?

Webster's dictionary defines sacrifice as:

1. an act of offering to a deity something precious; especially :  the killing of a victim on an altar
2. something offered in sacrifice
3. destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else
4. something given up or lost <the sacrifices made by parents>

Something given up. Something lost. It can't be returned. It can't be reacquired. It's gone.

In the church, we often sacrifice our time. Or creativity. Our minds. We give up our finances, we surrender our wills, we submit our choices. We give away something that we can't ever get back. We can't return time. We can't get back a choice once made. Sometimes I think we forget the significance of what we're really doing when we're setting up chairs for the next service. We forget the power we have every day. The choice.

Deuteronomy 30:15 says:

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction."

We sacrifice our will, our dreams, our ideas, our plans when we choose life. I don't think people really understand that when we choose to be false, to lie. To not be ourselves, we are literally choosing death. When we betray what we know to be true, not just about ourselves but about our God, we choose destruction.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've done that. I forget sometimes. I forget who I am, I look away from the mirror and suddenly I forget what I looked like (James 1:24). I don't just betray myself, as if that's not significant enough, I betray God's purpose and plan for me. I forget that who I am takes sacrifice. Sacrifice of what I THINK I should be. Sacrifice of not believing the lie. I forget that I have to lose that entirely. I have to give it up.

How else could we measure dedication?! How else could we show Him that we're submitted to Him? That we really love Him? Wait. Hold on, but is it sacrifice if we don't have a choice? Is it sacrifice if in order for us to have fellowship with Him, we have to first sacrifice ourselves? Sacrifice our choices, our thoughts, our bodies to Him? Isn't that the kicker though? He first gave. He first loved (1 John 4:19). We never entered into Christ through our sacrifice but through His.

How else would we measure love? How else would we really understand the depth of His love if not through sacrifice? And what greater love is there than to lay down one's life for another? (John 15:13)

It shakes me to the core. How shallow is my love? What weak is my sacrifice? It's so easy to give up things that are renewable. It's too easy. It's too easy to give up words. Compliments. Exaltation. Praise. Christ requires something deeper. Something from the core of a human being. He requires the heart. But it's a trade isn't it. His heart for ours. Our stony brittle broken hearts for his living beating flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

So then, what more could I give up? What more could I sacrifice? How much depth does my love really have? Search my heart. I think I kind of get what Paul meant when he said: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21).

The Human Heart

The human heart has always puzzled me. As I have gone through the Bible I've gotten a rough glimpse at it from the outside looking in. It causes us often to chase after things we never needed and sometimes it hardens against the one thing we do. It has often lead us astray and away from our true love. Its often called fickle.

However, once in a while it aspires to greatness. Now and then it causes a man or woman to rise to action. To do the unthinkable. It dismisses fear. It breaks apart even the most terrible of circumstances and causes us to overcome things we would never have thought possible. Above all it has caused us to be moved with compassion. It causes us to love.

It's a tool, like a compass when we are lost in the thick woods. Like the bright north star when we're lost at sea. It guides us forward. The difference between our demise and our salvation lies in how we gauge it. How we interpret it. The north star is useless if you don't know it points north.

We must learn to do what David did. We must learn to use God as our North. If we learn to line our hearts up to Him, we'll find it leads us straight into his warm embrace. What more could we want? What more does this world have to offer than the Father's love? What else would I heart desire. The problem is our hearts get all off focus, they lose their gauge and they run a muck looking for that love.

Father, teach me. Guide me. Watch over me and above all else, guard my heart. Its fickle and untrained, but it desperate desires you. Teach me to find a woman after you heart. To surround myself with those who run for you. Let my fickle heart let go of things that hurt me and to grab a hold of your trail and guide me home.