Understanding Prosperity

I've often heard people use the phrase "dirt poor" I laugh every time. Very few people actually know what that means. Its been a long time since the people of the United States have had dirt floors. The closest thing even relatable for many is a crummy apartment building.

All of our perspectives are skewed by our experience. To some, being wealthy means having a home or going to college. To others it may be that next piece of property or a large investment paying off. But because our perspectives are skewed we tend to judge other's based off of what they do or don't have. We judge ourselves the same way. Whether its an attempt to define ourselves, prove ourselves, or just the desire to succeed... we tend to forget the point.

I was just sitting here drinking a cup of coffee doing a little reading and working on a project for my church. Not because I had to, but because it was enjoyable. It literally gives me joy. And not just a little bit of joy either. I mean there are few things in this world I enjoy more. Just sitting here in peace, working, thinking, drinking coffee. Its a truly intimate time for me. Its a time I like to pray, and discuss with God whats going on in my life, where I'm at. Suddenly it had occurred to me what Paul was talking about when he said in Philippians 4:12:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

I was like. HEY! Things aren't that bad, why am I always so worried about the struggle! Isn't the end all be all to be sitting here, with a cup of coffee, working on something with God? Isn't that the goal? To be sitting with Him, drinking coffee, going over the day. Planing our next move? Man, what have I been missing?

I understand WHY I think the way I do, I grew up dirt poor. I know what its like not to have. I know what its like to struggle. To be alone. To be destitute. I know what its like to feel totally useless. Those experiences drive me to work harder and at the same time drive me towards hopelessness, towards apathy. The knowing damages my perspective and causes me to idolize an idea of prosperity that doesn't even make since. It causes me to throw out any idea that doesn't fit into my perspective. Whats more, is that I know it, I understand it, I am vigilant against it, and yet I succumb to it. I succumb to how I view those with wealth and those without wealth. I succumb to how I view men's hearts. To what they'd do with it. The knowing doesn't help.

Get this. Knowing doesn't change it. It took a moment with God to even really understand it. Prosperity isn't about the wealth or the lack of it. Its not about even "being content with what you have" its about being content with the PROCESS. Is about letting it happen and just sitting down brewing another cup of coffee, putting your hands to something and saying, whats the next move God? Prosper me.

So that is what I'm going to do.

The Risk Is All Mine

I'm told I am a very black and white person. I have a tendency to make up my mind, draw a line in the sand and stand by what I believe. People have different impressions of what the says about me. I've been called fanatical, stubborn, hard headed, close minded, integris, loyal, faithful. Some people have seen it as a great weakness. Some people have seen it as a great strength. I'm sure there is truth to both sides. 

The truth is, it has never been a difficult thing for me to stand up for what I believe. I'm a deeply passionate and morally driven individual. I genuinely care about the issues that effect other's lives. I make a very plain connection between the issues that we have and the quality of life we experience. Most of the time I am so quickly moved by a wrong or injustice that my mouth vomits out my belief. This is true of the way I live my life as well. You could ask anyone close to me. It is near impossible to get me to act contrary to what I believe. After all, the risk is all mine.

What is difficult for me however, is to believe for other people. Something that, as a christian has really challenged me. I think the heart of it comes down to this. I have no problem risking my life, or my reputation. Fundamentally, I find character and truth to be infinity more valuable than any of the former. But, when it comes to risking those same things for other people's sake. I get more than a little nervous. It is a real test of what I believe.

I could convince myself that it is my care and love for people that causes this. That I value people so much so that I do not wish to risk any harm to them. But that's simply not true. I have to really evaluate why I value truth and character over life and reputation and I think that the root of that is found in Christ. From where I sit in life, from my own personal experience and understanding, I have found that the promises and character of God are infinity more valuable than anything I could obtain in this life. Greater that people. Greater than wealth or material possession. Greater than any title or position or influence.

 So if I truly believe that, and if I truly believe that Jesus Christ raised from the dead with the promise of eternal life and limitless all enveloping relationship, then if I really care about individuals, then I MUST believe the same thing for them. If I am not willing to risk those people's life and pride on the promises of God's truth and the greater truth in Christ's  Character, then one of two things are true. Either I do not love those people. Or I do not actually believe what I say I do.

This has been something that has weighed heavily on my heart in the recent months. With the understanding and God given revelation of this core belief, I have come to be so compelled to speak into other's lives and to intentionally reach out and risk other's in a way that has really tested my faith. It's been challenging to speak truth when no one wants to hear it and to directly stand in opposite of what seems to be plain fact. Many people have accused me of arrogance and religious dogma, they have a hard time understanding how risking other's can be a loving act. I can understand that. I'm willing to look the arrogant fool if it means other's will reap the fruit of intervention.

I'm glad Jesus was too.

Violent

I have determined in my life, that I will serve God. When I had reached the end of my rope, with no desire to continue on. No vision for a future. No desire for anything this world had to offer. God offered me more. I remember Him offering an exchange. Give him my life and He will give me a new one. My options were fairly limited, being that we all are only given one life. So I accepted. I accepted Jesus as my Lord. Not just my savior. My master. My commander. My king. I pledged my life to build His kingdom. I've done so willingly, lovingly and freely.

More than a few times, this pledge has been tested to breaking point. I have spent many restless nights struggling with my desire to continue. I truly don't want anything in this life. I have no drive for it. No desire. There may be a fickle want. But no real desire. Nothing in this world has proven to me to be redeeming of a life lived on it, other than the Resurrection of Christ and its power to change people. To redeem them. And so, at the end of the day it is Christ that I must cling to. Nothing else can justify my existence, nothing and no one else can give me hope.

I have recently, been going through one of these bending points. Through many circumstances I have found myself in a sort of Lamentations existence. Feeling a lot like Solomon at the end of the day, that all this work and effort is simple vanity. That my efforts, to build a team, a business and myself have been in vain, without worth. You see, its easy to see the value in your work when something tangible or visible comes out of it. That work is justified by the product. However when you find your labors, which in this case were great, have produced nothing... its a shaking experience.

I remember once listening to my Pastor, Glen Johnson tell our staff about feeling like he was "leading through the swamp". How easy it is to want to give up when you're in the middle of the swamp and you're dragging everyone behind you along. As frustrating as situations like that are... that idea penetrates to my core. The idea that God would send a group or even a single person to carry His people. That he would take someone and give them influence with others, and lay a mantle of responsibility on their shoulders so great, that all those behind him depended on him. Wow. What. If. He. Gave. Up.

In this particular rough season, I have learned a great deal about myself. I have found that I am deeply wounded by two things. Dishonesty and disloyalty. Its easy for me to accept a person who doesn't like me, there are many. I don't expect people to understand me, I've never been very good at communicating it. I often choose truth over popularity. I say things people don't want to hear. Its not hard to find a reason to dislike me. I can handle that. Its understandable to me. However, to be dishonest... that's a hard pill to swallow. The problem with dishonesty is that it causes us to question the legitimacy of others actions and words. It makes them hallow. In the same since, I can understand people who don't rout in my corner. Everyone has different allegiances and affiliations. Everyone has their favorite team or favorite person. I don't expect to be everyone's favorite, no one should, its unhealthy. However Its difficult to understand people who will rout in your corner one day, and leave you to fall another. And so when I find people are dishonest with me or disloyal... that relationship becomes hallow. Empty.

This, I truly fear is one of my most terrible flaws. Its difficult to have forgiveness for me in these areas. Its difficult to forget. I have had to stretch myself, push harder, try harder to truly let go over wrongs like this.

I have also learned that I have allowed these vulnerabilities and wounds to incapacitate me. I have, in these instances become worthless. Unable to either act or care. My desires for God's kingdom becomes overwhelmed with my lack of desire to deal with this world. It isn't worth it. Not without God. I become distant from Him.

I have found in myself that it is necessarily in these times, when things get rough and I want to just quit... everything... that I become violent. That I forcefully push foreword. Its in these times that my efforts are most needed. That my strength is most tested. I have never been very good at quitting anything, I have always found that where others have given up that I always have a little bit extra to push through. Often despite knowing that I could go further, push harder, get through... that I have purposely slowed down, slacked. Given way. I have measured myself up against others and allowed their best to dictate my best. I don't want to just be average though. I don't want to stand before Christ and say that measured against another man I have given more, tried harder. I have my own potential. My own strength that Christ has given me. When I stand before His throne, I have to answer to my measuring up against that potential.

And so, despite this weakness and failure, I have decided to push on. There are many areas of my life that need work, many that require my attention. Instead of allowing myself to be overwhelmed by these challenges, I have made the choice to push through them, because I know that I have the strength to do it and I believer the Word that was set before me saying it is worth it. So I set myself violently against the obstacles both in this world and in myself.

The Truth Of God For a Lie: Untamed Passions

I was recently listening to a podcast by Ravi Zacharias called "Character Counts". The basic idea was to go through the last three leaders of the old testament and discovery what choices they had made that lead the country to division. Ravi brought up an interesting point in the middle of his sermon... he pointed out how ridiculously talented and gifted these rulers were. Each in their own way had been blessed and gifted. And yet even with such great wisdom, power, blessings, each failed. Why? How could a man with the gift of wisdom marry hundreds of women and take absurd concubines? Why would he condone slave labor in order to build monuments to his own vanity? Then Ravi hit a nerve.

The reason these men failed were their untamed passions. Wow. Our untamed and unchecked passions, which are given to us by God if left unchallenged and unchecked can destroy us. Thats crazy. It doesn't matter how gifted we can be... it doesn't matter what anointing God puts on our life, if we allow our passions to overtake us, if we don't tame them... they will overwhelm us. How terrifying that thought is. Men specifically struggle with their untamed passions, and what a struggle that is. We're left handicapped. How unfair. I suppose it make since then why God didn't give Adam Eve right out of the gate. He had to get his stupidity under control. How that could have destroyed their relationship.... Yet God gave us our passions, didn't He? So that makes me wonder, how powerful can a man be who can control his passions? A man with vision is a dangerous thing, a passionate man with vision is an unstoppable force.

Imagine a man who has tamed his passions. Would that not make him a better husband? Wouldn't that make him an amazing one? What would he not give for his better half? The world? His life? I doubt there is anything on earth that could stop a man like that... but it goes beyond that.

What about passionate servants? Leaders? The two come hand in hand... maybe thats why some of the most twisted people to ever walk the earth believed they were helping the world, leading it into a brighter future. Men who are after money... power... they don't last long. Their passions, their lusts, often bring them low long before they are able to do much. But leaders... servants... who believe they are doing whats right... how dangerous they are when they have not tamed their passions.

It brings to mind this verse...
   
They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
[Romans 1:25]

Isn't that interesting... don't we do the same things when we leave our passions untamed? When our car becomes more important than our God? When our wife does? When our house does? When our career does? Do we daily exchange the TRUTH for a LIE? How terrifying to me that is... does my passion to see an amazing department in my church grow outweigh my passion for God? Saul's passion for people lead him to spare the life of a man God told him to kill. He chose man over God. It cost him his throne.

God, I pray you bring this verse to my memory whenever my passions begin to overwhelm me. I pray I am reminded that my zealous and stubborn heart needs awakened each morning by the sobering idea that my desires, though not inherently bad, must be checked. That I must hold captive my thoughts. That Christ is the only solution. That I need Him.

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done.Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
[Romans 1:26-31]

Today I Had The Most Beautiful Farewell...

Today I had the privilege of seeing my Grandmother buried.

My Grandmother was a key character in my life. She instilled in me an honesty and an integrity which I can owe no other. I would not be the man I am today without her love and care. I think back now on a time when my sister and I were fighting, I was a very insecure young 14 year old boy. My sisters used to call me a fag and a fairy and pretty much any un-masculine thing they could think of. They would attack my identity at its core and they never held back blows. My father taught me to treat women with respect. I was never allowed to raise my hand, never allowed to use my aggression against a girl. However words were something he often abused. So finally after an onslaught of verbal abuse I finally screamed back at her some of the most hurtful things one could ever say about a girl. I remember her turning and literally running off crying. I had finally beaten her at her own game. Then my Grandmother, who rarely left her room came out. She had hear the whole conversation. I can still see her vividly in her psychedelic robe...
"Are you happy with yourself?" She asked. I didn't reply... I wasn't.
"She said worse things to me!" I finally replied.
"It doesn't matter." She relied before I could finish my sentence. She proceeded to read me the riot act. I was furious. It was unfair. Why was I in trouble when she had said the terrible things she had said... it was more than a year before I finally understood what she was trying to teach me. Two wrongs don't make a right. I always believed that... but I had never put that into context. Life altering. Suddenly I began to realize that no matter how someone made me feel... I was still responsible for my actions.

I could write books about the times in my life where this mean old woman would unfairly punish me when I wasn't the one in the wrong. Oh how I hated that. How I was offended by it. My brother would tell a boldface lied and I would tell a little fib and I'd be attacked in an instance. "Sneaky!" she called me. The audacity! When I got older however... I could do nothing but thank her. She carved character into me without me ever knowing it. What an amazing woman.

When Christ entered my life, my thoughts quickly turned to her and my father. Both whom's health was fading and who didn't know Jesus. I spent the first year of my saved life praying and lamenting over them. I remember once driving home with her... after spending the weekend with my father. She told me about a study she was going to at my Aunt Lorraine's church. She talked to me about God and asked me questions about my beliefs... she was so happy.. almost to tears when she heard my answer. GOD WAS GOOD! She had never known a good God. Only a condemning religious God... she was so excited... I didn't see her for another two years...

This Thanksgiving, her health finally began to fail. The family went to visit her. I wanted desperately to finish the conversation we had those two years ago but she wasn't in her right mind... and I got the impression my family was ready to blow up on me at the mention of Christ. I prayed all night the first night for strength to defy my family and blow them off and just ask her if she wanted to hear it. But when the opportunity arrived... it didn't seem right. She just smiled at me. I never asked... so I figured I would come up and visit another time without the family around so that we could talk, just the two of us.

After Thanksgiving we all headed home. The following Tuesday, she died.

I was mortified. The idea... of never seeing her again was crushing. It didn't hurt... I had already lamented her death long before she died because she didn't have Christ... but the reality of no Hope... was solemn.

Then when I arrived at her funeral... after the family had gathered... two women went up and shared an experience they had with her. They talked about the study she went to. About how she was "spunky" defiant. Oh boy did they know her. How intelligent she was. How strong she was. Suddenly it came to me where these women were going. Two years go, my grandmother dedicated her life to Jesus Christ. She accepted the King of Kings into her heart. Fully convinced, with a faith that would stagger my own, she faced cancer like the Lion I know she is. Peace was the result. Peace. That smile. All that time, she never told me. How could she. Our family was resentful of the entire idea of Christ. When could she have? Such few opportunities.

Now I know, that one day I will see that strong women again. A testament to my heritage  Someone who I am so proud to know I share the same blood with. I came to that funeral broken hearted and left full of excitement. Thank you Father, you are without a doubt, strong enough to save.