Our Broken Cisterns

When I was in Israel a year ago, I had the privilege of visiting an old Crusader castle. It was set right

into a cliff, hanging out over the ocean. As I toured around I got the glimpse of a cistern. It wasn't what I had expected while reading the bible. It was like a well built above ground It was smashed on the side and falling apart as you would expect. Then it hit me, broken cisterns. This is what God was talking about in [Jeremiah 2:13]

“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water. "

Israel committed two sins.

First, they forsake God the SPRING of LIVING WATER. Let's talk about a spring for a second.

spring

1.     to rise, leap, move, or act suddenly and swiftly, as by a sudden dart or thrust forward or outward, or being suddenly released from a coiled or constrained position: to spring into the air; a tiger about to spring.
   
2.     to be released from a constrained position, as by resilient or elastic force or from the action of a spring: A trap springs. The door sprang open and in he walked.
   
3.     to issue forth suddenly, as water, blood, sparks, fire, etc. (often followed by forth, out, or up): Blood sprang from the wound.
   
4.     to come into being, rise, or arise within a short time (usually followed by up): Industries sprang up in the suburbs.
   
5.     to come into being by growth, as from a seed or germ, bulb, root, etc.; grow, as plants.
   
6.     to proceed or originate from a specific source or cause.
   
7.     to have as one's birth or lineage; be descended, as from a person, family, stock, etc.; come from: to spring from ancient aristocracy.

The root word "spring" basically means to come forth suddenly. The noun is defined as:

an issue of water from the earth, taking the form, on the surface, of a small stream or standing as a pool or small lake.

I'm not sure if you have ever seen a spring up close and personal but when I was about 9 years old I was "camping" (I use quotations because in reality we were homeless) in the national forest around Chiloquin, Oregon. At one point we camped at the headwaters of a river. It was a spring. Water literally bubbled up out of the ground with force. One of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I remember sticking my hand inside one of the springs to try and feel around. I didn't do it again because I was fairly certain I was going to get sucked in by some kind of swamp thing.

The water sprang up from the ground and formed a river. Here is something that not a lot of people know. The term "living water" is usually in reference to a river or a creek or some kind of moving water. Defined as:

Moving water, as in a stream or river, as opposed to water in a pond or pool.

The reason its called living water is in contrast to still water. Or dead water:

still water without any current.
Why? Because when water is stagnate it causes things to grow in it. Usually making the water undrinkable.  However, if the water is moving it becomes difficult for things to grow in, bacteria for example. Making fresh spring water or "living water" desirable over any other kind of water.

So, basically Israel forsakes God's moving, living, healthy, life sustaining water... for what? Man-made cisterns:

a reservoir, tank, or container for storing or holding water or other liquid.
They gave up an endless supply of fresh water to build their own cisterns to put water in. What? What the heck are you going to put in those cisterns? Are you going to fill it up with water from God's spring? No, because they forsook that thing... so where does the water come from? Even if you could find your own water supply then you have to fill it... and it becomes stagnate and dead. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! I mean really think about how ridicules this sounds (which is kinda God's point). But then he goes on to say that the cisterns are broken! They don't even hold water! They must have sucked at building cisterns. Or rather, if we took this for the metaphor that God is implying we suck at making our own gods.

 Let me take this to a more practical example of today. We don't really have to deal with the draw backs of cisterns these days (at least we pretend not to). Instead lets look at relationships. There are only two options for someone to make a choice like the one God's implying. First is being completely and utterly stupid. An excuse we'd like to use, no doubt. Or being utterly full of pride. We have to do it ourselves. We need to be self dependent. We don't need God. Like porn is better than a healthy marriage cause we don't have to commit to the other person. Like our being alone is better than a healthy friendship. 'Cause it's easier. Like every time we do something in our own strength or for our owns reasons other than God's because we either think He's taking too long, He ain't going to do what we want, or we've figured out something better.

But here's the kicker. The one planted right in our teeth. God says:

"What fault did your ancestors find in me, that they strayed so far from me?"

 [Jeremiah 2:5]

 It isn't just that we're choosing something over God. It's that we think SO POORLY of His plans, His designs, Him, that we give up on Him. He isn't good enough! So we've got to do this thing ourselves. His plan isn't what I want, so I'm going to do it my way. The woman/man God has picked out for me AIN'T WORTH WAITING FOR. The friends in my life AIN'T WORTH DYING OVER. The Mission He has for me AIN'T WORTH THE CROSS.

Man, if we could just get it in our heads. He is Good enough. He works ALL things together for our Good [Romans 8:28]. Trust him that the living water is going to sustain us so much longer and better than whatever we can work out for ourselves. Maybe we'd stop running into marriages and relationships that just fall apart. Maybe we'd stop ruining friendships and relationships with our leaders an pastors and submit to the process that God is trying to use to clean our act up. If we could just trust that the man or women that God is making us to be is worth being! That is everything we've ever wanted. That God isn't just setting us aside to get glory from our misery but to get glory from our perfection made possible through Christ Jesus.

Violent

I have determined in my life, that I will serve God. When I had reached the end of my rope, with no desire to continue on. No vision for a future. No desire for anything this world had to offer. God offered me more. I remember Him offering an exchange. Give him my life and He will give me a new one. My options were fairly limited, being that we all are only given one life. So I accepted. I accepted Jesus as my Lord. Not just my savior. My master. My commander. My king. I pledged my life to build His kingdom. I've done so willingly, lovingly and freely.

More than a few times, this pledge has been tested to breaking point. I have spent many restless nights struggling with my desire to continue. I truly don't want anything in this life. I have no drive for it. No desire. There may be a fickle want. But no real desire. Nothing in this world has proven to me to be redeeming of a life lived on it, other than the Resurrection of Christ and its power to change people. To redeem them. And so, at the end of the day it is Christ that I must cling to. Nothing else can justify my existence, nothing and no one else can give me hope.

I have recently, been going through one of these bending points. Through many circumstances I have found myself in a sort of Lamentations existence. Feeling a lot like Solomon at the end of the day, that all this work and effort is simple vanity. That my efforts, to build a team, a business and myself have been in vain, without worth. You see, its easy to see the value in your work when something tangible or visible comes out of it. That work is justified by the product. However when you find your labors, which in this case were great, have produced nothing... its a shaking experience.

I remember once listening to my Pastor, Glen Johnson tell our staff about feeling like he was "leading through the swamp". How easy it is to want to give up when you're in the middle of the swamp and you're dragging everyone behind you along. As frustrating as situations like that are... that idea penetrates to my core. The idea that God would send a group or even a single person to carry His people. That he would take someone and give them influence with others, and lay a mantle of responsibility on their shoulders so great, that all those behind him depended on him. Wow. What. If. He. Gave. Up.

In this particular rough season, I have learned a great deal about myself. I have found that I am deeply wounded by two things. Dishonesty and disloyalty. Its easy for me to accept a person who doesn't like me, there are many. I don't expect people to understand me, I've never been very good at communicating it. I often choose truth over popularity. I say things people don't want to hear. Its not hard to find a reason to dislike me. I can handle that. Its understandable to me. However, to be dishonest... that's a hard pill to swallow. The problem with dishonesty is that it causes us to question the legitimacy of others actions and words. It makes them hallow. In the same since, I can understand people who don't rout in my corner. Everyone has different allegiances and affiliations. Everyone has their favorite team or favorite person. I don't expect to be everyone's favorite, no one should, its unhealthy. However Its difficult to understand people who will rout in your corner one day, and leave you to fall another. And so when I find people are dishonest with me or disloyal... that relationship becomes hallow. Empty.

This, I truly fear is one of my most terrible flaws. Its difficult to have forgiveness for me in these areas. Its difficult to forget. I have had to stretch myself, push harder, try harder to truly let go over wrongs like this.

I have also learned that I have allowed these vulnerabilities and wounds to incapacitate me. I have, in these instances become worthless. Unable to either act or care. My desires for God's kingdom becomes overwhelmed with my lack of desire to deal with this world. It isn't worth it. Not without God. I become distant from Him.

I have found in myself that it is necessarily in these times, when things get rough and I want to just quit... everything... that I become violent. That I forcefully push foreword. Its in these times that my efforts are most needed. That my strength is most tested. I have never been very good at quitting anything, I have always found that where others have given up that I always have a little bit extra to push through. Often despite knowing that I could go further, push harder, get through... that I have purposely slowed down, slacked. Given way. I have measured myself up against others and allowed their best to dictate my best. I don't want to just be average though. I don't want to stand before Christ and say that measured against another man I have given more, tried harder. I have my own potential. My own strength that Christ has given me. When I stand before His throne, I have to answer to my measuring up against that potential.

And so, despite this weakness and failure, I have decided to push on. There are many areas of my life that need work, many that require my attention. Instead of allowing myself to be overwhelmed by these challenges, I have made the choice to push through them, because I know that I have the strength to do it and I believer the Word that was set before me saying it is worth it. So I set myself violently against the obstacles both in this world and in myself.

Mission

Spent the last two weeks of my life with some of the most amazing people I have ever met, in the most poverty stricken places I have ever been. Two things stand apparent in my mind.

One, as an American I am highly blessed. Two, no matter where you come from and no matter how much you have... no matter what people enter or leave your life... at some point we all find ourselves broken... and we need the One who made us to save us. People need to hear that there is something worth living for and that someone out there has sent His people to find you and lead you to him.

He will never leave you without a light.

Who Can Take The Sting...

Who Can Take The Sting From Death?

Who Can Take The Sting From Loneliness?

Who Can Take The Sting From Hurt?

Who Can Take The Sting From Our Mistakes?!

This world has proven to be a place of great darkness and great light. It is although we walk along the blade’s edge… we tread the blade afraid of its sharp bite. WE slip and fall, leaving scars we’ll never forget. Sometimes we wonder why we even try… no matter how long we walk this path and no matter how careful we are… we still feel the sting of the blade. We are trapped by our mistakes… wounded by our transgressions… bled for our sins.

The hardest part is doing it alone. Though at times we are accompanied by another soul to help us along… we find the slightest slip scares them away… and so we walk the line in hopes of finding someone to walk it with us. Sometimes we are cut by those who take up our line… sometimes they leave us bleeding… sometimes they fall short…

And… when we are in the dark… and the whole world seems so far away… when death seems to creep upon our skin… when we are alone with our thoughts and our regrets we find that we never had a chance… we never would walk the whole way and we always knew it… and yet in hopes we continued on… but now there is no hope… no light… nothing to hold on to nothing to weather the night.

It is in that dark that a light begins to shine, a strength begins to manifest.

The blade is shattered…

A champion is here.

In our darkest hour, we find ourselves on our knees… in the shadow of a blood stained cross. Suddenly we find that our scars are gone and the blade no longer holds sway of our lives. You see… there on the cross rests a man whom bares our scars… and on his hands are the marks of his covenant with us… a blood bond… written in His eyes is a truth we never knew was possible… “I Have Been There. The Whole Way. I Know How Deep Your Scars Go. I Have Taken Them. I Know How Long Your Wounds Carry, I Have Bore Them. I Know How Far The Blade Stretches. I Have Ran It. For You, I Have Broken It. For You I Have Conquered It. Today, MY Love… I Have Dove Into Your Darkest Hour And Pulled You From It. Today, You Are Free To Love.

Slow To Anger...

The NIV says: “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” [James 1:19] This of course being a mention of Godliness mentioned in [Psalm 145:8] “The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”

I find that I am not often, but on occasion known for being rather quick to anger. I have a quick fuse and while difficult to light, the fuse is very short…

The very idea that I feel entitled to become angry at any individual is absurd. I have sinned no less than them and I have been no less selfish than others… and yet I feel anger towards others when they display selfish desires… what a strange creature the human is.

Interesting that the Psalmist there uses love as a contrast to anger. You see, it is difficult to be angry at someone you feel love towards. I find that when my heart is full of love and my mind is meditating on love, I am truly slow to anger. My patients is increased exponentially…

If we can learn to slow our speech, to slow our anger, and rather walk in love towards each other on a regular basis we find that difficulties become so much smaller. You see, I have found that long hours of patients and grace can be easily destroyed by short minutes of anger and frustration. Let us then strive my friends to first attune our hearts and our minds to our God, before ever speaking or interacting with His children.

"Have You Passed Through This Night?"

I came across this video from Explosions in the Sky. The dialogue is taken from the movie Thin Red Line. It truly speaks to the human heart and the horrors of war.

"This great evil. Where does it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doin' this? Who's killin' us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin' us with the sight of what we might've known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed through this night?"

The True Fight For Glory

The most important and always the most difficult fights are those that are misunderstood. When the line seems to quiver... to wave... the one that forces you to be misunderstood... hated... rejected... the ones that require your life... without reward... without appreciation... without praise... it makes me wonder... did Mary count the costs of her life? Did she understand the repercussions of her choice? Or did she not even need to think about it?

How man of us are willing to bite the bullet? To forsake the Love of others in favor of your love for them? How many of us truly can take up that cross? How many of us truly understand that Jesus was not talking about a physical Martyr? That to truly take up that cross is so much more... to be misunderstood... to be forsaken... lost... forgotten...

How many of our brothers and sisters stand alone... in obedience...? Oh how harsh has our religion cut them? How deep have we betrayed their faith and love...? How diligent are their hearts? How patient are their spirits? How meek is their strength...?

Father, forgive my selfish heart and unloving tone with which I have painted a bleak life. Let the colors of your love and mercy flow freely and openly upon the canvas of my soul... let your joy and peace overtake and overwhelm me. That in time my heart might be made new.... in the image of the cross... that among the misunderstandings and rejections... that a man will arise from the ashes of a dead and broken world and that he will bear your signature... don your armor... wield your sword... and speak with your truth... that on his back he may carry your salvation to all those who are willing to receive it... unyielding... unshaken... unrelenting... uncompromising... utterly and completely sold out and purchased by your blood.

Father... I pray that you teach me to build a fortress of your heart around my own. Teach me to withstand the cold... to endure the beating winds... to resist the burning fires... to put to death that pain and sorrow in which tries to entangle and control me... to have dominance over my heart and choose to use it for the betterment of my people... my world and my God.

Body, Mind, & Soul

What is it in a man that makes him kill? Where does our rage come from? Our Pride... our Sin... where my friend, does Lust derive it's origins? What is it, in those last seconds before the final blow is dealt... before the final shot is fired... what is it that defines a man?

You see... amiss the smoke and cries... in the heat of the fight... we find out who we truly are... we find that Loyalty... honor... integrity... they are the only true weapons... that our skills are drastically overshadowed by our vision for their purpose. That when the dust settles... when the last shot is fired... and you finally win... you find that you are the real enemy. That among the blood and the death... you were its harbinger.

Let us strive my friends to fight the good fight... to conquer the body mind and soul.... let us teach them to obey. Let us discover something about ourselves... something we never knew... that fighting is more than winning... its about discovering everything about yourself...

Its about discovering... the greatest warrior who ever lived... in the end... when He could have beaten us all... he laid it all down... and paid our depts... won our victory... and exposed to us all who He really was... an in so doing... who we really are.

The Call

Don't you understand? I hear you, through all the lies. I see you through all the walls. I can feel you through all the armor. To me, you are naked. You can try, but you can't keep out the sunlight.

Bar the windows with your shame. Barricade the doors with your failure. Hide behind the mountain of your defeat. You can not keep me away. No strong arm can hold me down. No great depth can separate me.

Stand. Fight. I have called upon my Army. To arms, raise my standard once again. Here, take my armor. Take my sword. Fight. Don't waver. Don't yield. No quarter. Never give up. With every last breath. Fight. No matter the cost. Fight.

Do you not hear the battle drums? Can you not feel their quake? It is war. Wipe away your tears. Purify yourself. He comes for you. My most beautiful prize. He comes to take you. To corrupt you. He has come for my bride. Fight.

Do you not feel it?! The knife. It slashes. It stabs. It cuts deep. Fight! These wounds. You must fight. I see the blood. I feel the breaks. Fight.

Feel my scream. Taste my anger. Let lose my fury, from the depth of your being. Fight. You are not alone. Can't you feel it?! Filling every crack. Touching every wound. I am with you. I will never leave. I would never leave. Faithful to the end.

You are my soldier. You are my knight. My champion. My image. I have made you, shaped you and armed you to carry my name. In your heart I have hidden my Words. In your soul I have left my mark. I carry your name upon my hand. I bare its bond on my back and in my blood. I purchased you from death itself. And on your shoulders I rest my righteousness. In your hands I leave my promise.
In this world I let lose my son. I let lose a man. Wondrous is he that bares my image. Fearfully he walks this earth. Wonderful is his obedience. Beautiful is his love.


Fight, my love. Fight for me.

I am your father, I am your God.

I live in you.

I Must...

The night I was introduced to Christ, was not the day that I felt His healing power. I did not know my sickness, I did not understand it. Each day I would wake up and an ache from deep inside my heart would remind me of my condition. Like a slow poison pulsing through my veins. How empty my soul felt. How lost my spirit had become.

No, it wasn't until later one night that His healing touch came to me, the night I fell to my knees and told Him that my life was His, that I no longer wished to live it. I asked Him to take it away. To remove the pain that clung to me daily, like a sore. I could feel it like a pit, sucking me inside it and swallowing me up. And emptiness that I could not fulfill, a pain that had been dug out by years of laying in the dark.

That night, something dropped. Something fell inside me. It filled me up and sealed me off. Closing the pit that had tormented me for years. It brought to me a wholeness, a sober feeling only explainable to those who once had blurry vision. The power that was released in my heart cured my illness and brought me back from the brink, to life. How amazing! How insane, the Love that was exposed to me. That night, the hands of Christ grabbed a hold of my heart and filled my scars and took my pain away. And since that night, He has never let go.

But it was not until recently that I could truly explain how simple the feeling was, what truly Christ had done for me. You see, now I no longer lay awake at night. I no longer feel the torment I once did. Now I sleep soundly knowing that I AM ABOUT MY FATHER'S BUSINESS.

Cruel Little Boy

How cruel, how harsh a man can be. What wicked and tormented part of us wishes such harm on our fellow man? What hate have we hidden in our hearts that causes such strife and wrath? What Lord, is so hidden inside me? What, makes me forget time and time again of your great love?

I cry Lord, I plea! Take it away, forgive my soul. I have sinned Lord! I have fallen! What selfishness has overcome me?! How absurd! To even ask forgiveness... Like a cruel child I have attacked your children, and yet return to you for comfort. What boldness to approach you! What arrogance to beg from you!

Why Lord, do I have these scars? Why do I bleed so bad? Who Lord knows how deep these scars go? Who Lord has seen the blood and the pain? Who can understand the tears? What man can see the suffering? The years oh God spent locked away. Whipped and tortured. Burned and cut. Steel Bars of my own foolishness held me. Isolation befriended me. Sorry overwhelmed me. The years Lord, how long they were. The scars Lord, how deep they dug.

There he stood, his words they cut. His hands they smothered. In him was accusations. Around him was death. He drew before me my very actions. He threw upon me my own inequities! He stood there and accused me. His words were true, his charges just. Every crime I committed, every Sin I drank. He brought before me past and present. "To YOU!" he cried, "they belong!" He stamped on me my title, earned in full. He broke my bones. He cut my throat. He shut me in. He locked me away. There he burned me. There he stole from me all that I held dear.

I was alone Lord, bleeding to death I cried out. Surrounded, I surrendered. Desperately the words came out, painfully they were uttered. Save Me Lord. Save me from my selfishness! Save me from my cruelty! Save me from my hate! From my lust! From my envy! Pull from me these nails. I lay there helpless, my crimes before me.

And in the darkness I felt Your great hand. You reached inside me. You touched my heart. It was then you spoke, it was there that you proclaimed to me. "I, have felt these scars. I have seen this blood. I know how deep they go, I've felt their burn. In these hands I took your nails. In these hands I bore your Sin! I have stolen your title. I have set you free!" Your hands they held me. You pulled me free, they took the flames. Your hands they dug, they burrowed in. You felt my very beating heart, and there I lay covered in your great blood. Your heart in mine. Your fire is mine. You traded me my helpless body. You traded me my failing heart.

"Here I have planted, no deeper can one go. No further can one dig. Here I plant my flowing river. Here I rest my healing hands. In your heart I whisper my Word." You stitched me up, you covered me. You set upon me your shining crown. You stamped upon me your golden seal. How precious your blood. In me grew a heart of strength. In me grew a soul of love. "I have cast away your stoney heart. I have purged away your blood stained soul.

Yet Lord, here I stand my hands in blood. My heart so hard. And yet again I see those nails. Yet again I see Your blood. And there you stand, your hands in my heart. You lips across my forehead. You take the flames, you take the nails. You heal my heart. You feel the scars, how deep they go. "I know." You assure me "I will always love you."

Hallelujah!

A Father's Love

Each of us has a different view of a Father, at least initially. It is given to us by our earthly fathers. Some are good and some are bad. Each determines our initial feeling for God, our fathers are an image of who God becomes in our minds. My Father, was not the best man. He was a terrible husband. He made many mistakes in His life and fell many times. However despite my fathers shortcomings he taught me one thing that not matter what I do in this life will never leave me. My father through all his imperfections, taught me the perfect love of a father.

There was never a time in my life I EVER questioned the love my father had for me. I knew that he would tear heaven and hell apart to protect and watch over me. I knew that he was jealous for me. I knew that he wanted the best for me. I knew that he always encouraged me. I knew that no matter what happened he was behind me and he was for me. I KNEW that no matter what happened at the end of the day when I was broken and beaten and when all hope had been ripped away form me that he, through all the tears, through his own pain and suffering, would ALWAYS be there to hold me and watch over me. Above all he taught me that though he loved me dearly, his heart constantly cried for me to love him back. That his only frustrations at me and his greatest pains rooted in my unloving actions toward him.

How blessed I am to have been in that home for so many years. All of the pain all of the hurt was worth that simple love. How valuable, how comforting it has always been, it has created in me such a reserve and faithfulness that I could never claim to be my own. How infinite our God's wisdom is to take such a man who the world deemed unworthy and through him teach such a powerful message. That no matter what our mistakes, He loves us. No matter what happens, HE LOVES US! That no matter what happens HE IS FOR US! How amazing is our God!

Today I can still say, though I have taken a different path than him and though he may not approve, I know he loves me. Moreover, I love him. In that realization I find my love for my heavenly father. I find peace in that, that if we can have such a love for each other being born of this world, how great is that love He brings to this earth.

These days I am separated from my father by a veil, I have gone past it and moved toward my heavenly father, however he is still blinded by it, trapped on the other side. I scream and I cry out to him, follow me but he can't hear me, he can't see me. He is so far from me it is unreal. In this I realize my Father's pain, that for so long I was on the other side of that veil. For so long He cried out to me and I could not hear Him. For so long He longed to bring me into His embrace but I could not feel Him. Oh God how strong and mighty you are to have such love. I pray Lord, break his bonds and show him your love. Use me Father to show him a son's love. My heart is broken for him Lord. Let him see the power of the cross and the love we both hold for him. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice and grace towards us. Amen.

Seasons

As the day comes to a close I reflect on the information presented today by our God. It is interesting to note how He will gently push us here and there and then when we feel lost he will reveal to us where we really are. This is interesting because the whole time if we would just open our eyes and seek we would quickly discover where He wishes to lead us... however I'm straying from the topic.

Between God's Word for me along with some conversations with some very influential people in my life along with an intimate prayer session with Jesus, I have come to a conclusion. Though I do not want it, I have been moved into a season of my life which requires me to do the exact opposite of my current wishes. My desires while not wrong are clearly not what God wants for me right now or will manifest in another way. Until then I will pursue His Kingdom and Seek His Righteousness. The conclusion while not what I initially expected, still brings me peace. The Word Pastor Glen Johnson brought tonight was dead on. Often we run around trying to justify or figure out what we think God's will in a given situation is, when all along we really knew what it was and were simply trying to find out own way.

That is a warning shot. We must be careful not to overlook or dismiss the voice of God and His will for us. If we do we open ourselves up for self deceit as well as the Enemy's deceit. So let us find peace in His words and trust in His good judgement no matter how much we want to resist, because in Him there is perfect peace that "...surpasses all understanding".

In this new season I find hope for future seasons, though some seasons may require that we take up our cross and step forward on faith, sacrificing our wishes and our plans. We have Hope that in the future He will bring us to a season of rest and strengthening. So while I may be gearing up for a difficult season I know that there is rest on the other side and I know that He has prepared me diligently for the quest ahead and if He is with me, none can stand against me. Amen.

The Laborer Is Worthy Of His Wages

Pride, often in our lives is our downfall. We are unable to put it aside and accept the help of others, or we are unwilling to put it down for the sake of others. It alienates us from those we love and ourselves. It puts us in a position in which we can no longer be ourselves. We gain an unrelenting fear of failure because while in pride it is all we have.

Pride has been a reoccurring theme in my life, as it is with many people. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. However, I have come to peace with my own imperfection and short comings, as they were all settled on the Cross with our Lord Jesus. Yet, I feel inadequate at times. I feel as though I am not doing enough, or that I am not doing the right thing.

My heart is and always will be for His kingdom. I strive each day to further it in whatever way I can and I submit and serve as best that I know how. However, I do not work. I have no job, except that I am employed by His kingdom.  I bring in not revenue and I save no money.

This is my inadequacy. I feel as though I should. I feel like I must work to obtain something, as though somehow if I could just get a job, if I could just gain something, that everything would be alright. I want desperately to work and gain, to show achievement, to show progress. What kind of man wouldn't want that? What kind of man would not want to provide and to give freely. And yet, in serving Him, I have found no cause for a Job. I am supported and taken care of. I am given to freely and blessed abundantly with friends and family who care so much for me.

Is it Pride or Righteousness that tugs at my heart to go out and obtain, to provide. That is a question only my heart and God can answer. Recently it has been an on going struggle to deal with this inadequacy. I have not known how to deal with it. Should I drop what I am doing and get a job? Is that Biblical and Righteous? Or is it Pride and selfishness? In this search, deep into my heart and in the spirit of God I came to a revelation. My Father, God lead me to Luke 10:7 "And remain in the same house, eating and drinking such things as they give, for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not go from house to house."

This is the answer that my Father gave to me and the same He gives to all His servants wherever their faith is. I am worthy of my wages because I serve a just and fair God. I serve a Loving and fatherly God. Thank you Lord, for your grace and spirit of revelation and comes upon me. You change me and humble me daily, you are my rock. You are my center, my everything. Amen.

Dear God

Father, all my wishes all my prayers rest in your word. All my hopes father rest on your promises. Without your guiding light I am lost, I am blind. I find myself Lord when I am not seeking you, falling away into my hopelessness. This life Lord is a constant pursuit of your goodness that seems to never end. My heart cries Lord for your spirit for your truth. My soul Lord craves your love. God, I need to hear you. I need to touch you. I seek you Lord. You are the object of my obsessions. My life pivots on your grace.

Lord there are times that I am alone and you feel so far away, death Lord would be better than that. Every time I fall every time I betray you my birth was vain. My life is forfeit. Every time Lord that I fall short of your plans and your intentions it would be better that I had never existed. My plans Father my intentions my strength my wisdom my knowledge it is all in vain! Nothing I could ever create or do could save me.

My cry Lord, is grace. Consume me Father, change me! Renew me! Break me down Father and build me back up. Rend from me the garments of poverty and pain, loosen the shackles of sin. I am yours. Restore to me father your garments of love, your ring of authority. Arm me God, with your sword and your shield. Guard me Lord I am so afraid. I am afraid that I will forget your grace for a second that I will forget the price you paid God. Jesus! How dare I forget your sacrifice, how dare I betray your cause. God do not allow me to live if I am no moved by your great love. Extinguisher this light if it ever strays from the cross.

I am yours oh God, your grace is sufficient your love is enough. Your presence satisfies my soul. Let me not grow weary in good doing. Let me not falter in your cause. protect me Lord. My refuge my guardian.

Strength To Stand

It is the strongest among us that are found broken and beaten. They have a strength inside them that says I will not fall, I will not be overtaken. A God given ability to resist destruction and stand against all odds. It is this ability that makes them the target of the misfortunes of life. It is because of this ability that all the forces of hell rise against them. Their strength is turned into a weakness. They are deceived into thinking that they can do it alone, that they are strong enough to overcome anything. Then when the deck is stacked against them and the forces of hell are setting at their doorstep they have no where to turn, they find themselves alone with no way out. They find that through all their strength they can not resist the whole world alone. They have no choice but to fold, they have no choice but to fall.

Because if these warriors could grasp the strength given to them by God and acknowledge where their strength lies that they could defy the Devils and destroy their pride. They could stop fighting for themselves and start fighting for what truly matters and we would see such a change in our generation where we will stand defiant against hell its self and tell Satan that HE WILL NOT PREVAIL. That we are purchased with a price and no trickery or pride will separate us from our God. That our generation will say enough is enough, our lives are not our own. It will be a day that we will not have to stand alone but along side the creator of all things and if he is with us, who could stand against us.

That will be the day that Love will prevail. That will be the day with no more tears. It is our responsibility as the strong to protect the weak, stand up generation.

DNA Camp

After graduating from High School, I began to get into the word of God, I would memorize powerful verses and pray as much as possible. Christianity was still very new to me and I still had much to learn, much to wrap my mind around. Thats when Gary had the idea to send me and his son Dakota, to DNA summer camp.

Gary is such a blessing in my life, just because he knows the value of a human being and he knows that no measure of money could account for it. He has given generously out of his own pocket for me, and taken me in like his own son. I thank and glorify God for his son, Gary.

When I arrived at my Church, where we all met to get on the bus to camp, I was greeted by many of our Churches interns and various amazing people of God. After everyone arrived and the "faith bus" was ready, we set off. I would just like to note, we called the bus the faith bus due to the fact that it was really a van and that the van ran purely on our faith and prayer.

We arrived at camp and waited in line for all of the paper work and such to get done. Dakota as usual was no more patient than expected. After everything was settled we were placed in cabins which consisted of a small room with 3 bunk-beds in them. We set our things down and went to organize with the rest of the camp.

Things were awkward at first, meeting new people get to know them organizing everyone and such. We were all given separate teams, mine was 7. We were then given a number in the team, mine was again 7.  One organized we created team names and team chants (they were so terrible we never ended up using them, haha.). Most of the camp consisted of various games and team activities which were a blast, however the best part of the camp was the evening and morning services. The spirit of God was so thick and powerful, you could physically feel it. Pastor Chad brought the word every single time.

Everything went smoothly until we got to the Basketball game. We had just gotten back from swimming and I was wearing flip flops. I wanted to play barefoot but apparently the court was tearing up peoples feet so shoes were mandatory. I was the tallest on my team so I did the jump shot. Well when I jumped up me and the other boy hit each other and I came down on my foot and rolled it. As you can imagine, that would be bad. It ripped a good chunk out of my foot and hurt a bit. I ignored it, trying very hard to be manly and I prayed over it and ran into my bunk and got my Converse. I used the sock to soak up the blood and then went back to playing. When we got to the next pool event, I had to take off my shoes and when I did I noticed that my foot was much larger now than before. It had a giant bulge swelling up on one side. I thought that it might be necessary to talk to a nurse... just in case. When I showed them my foot, they told me it was likely a blow blood vessel and I absolutely had to put ice on it. I did so and had the others pray for it. The next day I simply told the Devil he couldn't make me limp and continued to play the games, I ignored any pain. By the end of the camp, my foot was working perfectly. As long as I acted in accordance to the the belief that my foot was healed there was no pain. It was when I limped and complained that it began to hurt.

To go into the detail of the services and the people I met would take me days and more than any person would want to read. So I will just say the God changed a lot of lives there, there were healing, re-dedications, and prophetic word. While at a leadership meeting, Sean Gleason was randomly prophesied over, the speaker didn't know why he said what he said, only that it was from God.

There were so many testimonies it was absolutely wonderful, I won't mention them just for the sake of the individuals. All in all it was well worth the time and money spent and it got me closer to my Brother-In-Christ, Sean Gleason.

When we got back from the camp, Sean began to get me involved with our youth interns and in time I became one. The friends and experiences I have gained from God are so mind blowing and amazing it seems unreal. God works on my heart each day as I serve and seek Him. I thank God for my friends and the ability to serve him. God is good.