Cruel Little Boy

How cruel, how harsh a man can be. What wicked and tormented part of us wishes such harm on our fellow man? What hate have we hidden in our hearts that causes such strife and wrath? What Lord, is so hidden inside me? What, makes me forget time and time again of your great love?

I cry Lord, I plea! Take it away, forgive my soul. I have sinned Lord! I have fallen! What selfishness has overcome me?! How absurd! To even ask forgiveness... Like a cruel child I have attacked your children, and yet return to you for comfort. What boldness to approach you! What arrogance to beg from you!

Why Lord, do I have these scars? Why do I bleed so bad? Who Lord knows how deep these scars go? Who Lord has seen the blood and the pain? Who can understand the tears? What man can see the suffering? The years oh God spent locked away. Whipped and tortured. Burned and cut. Steel Bars of my own foolishness held me. Isolation befriended me. Sorry overwhelmed me. The years Lord, how long they were. The scars Lord, how deep they dug.

There he stood, his words they cut. His hands they smothered. In him was accusations. Around him was death. He drew before me my very actions. He threw upon me my own inequities! He stood there and accused me. His words were true, his charges just. Every crime I committed, every Sin I drank. He brought before me past and present. "To YOU!" he cried, "they belong!" He stamped on me my title, earned in full. He broke my bones. He cut my throat. He shut me in. He locked me away. There he burned me. There he stole from me all that I held dear.

I was alone Lord, bleeding to death I cried out. Surrounded, I surrendered. Desperately the words came out, painfully they were uttered. Save Me Lord. Save me from my selfishness! Save me from my cruelty! Save me from my hate! From my lust! From my envy! Pull from me these nails. I lay there helpless, my crimes before me.

And in the darkness I felt Your great hand. You reached inside me. You touched my heart. It was then you spoke, it was there that you proclaimed to me. "I, have felt these scars. I have seen this blood. I know how deep they go, I've felt their burn. In these hands I took your nails. In these hands I bore your Sin! I have stolen your title. I have set you free!" Your hands they held me. You pulled me free, they took the flames. Your hands they dug, they burrowed in. You felt my very beating heart, and there I lay covered in your great blood. Your heart in mine. Your fire is mine. You traded me my helpless body. You traded me my failing heart.

"Here I have planted, no deeper can one go. No further can one dig. Here I plant my flowing river. Here I rest my healing hands. In your heart I whisper my Word." You stitched me up, you covered me. You set upon me your shining crown. You stamped upon me your golden seal. How precious your blood. In me grew a heart of strength. In me grew a soul of love. "I have cast away your stoney heart. I have purged away your blood stained soul.

Yet Lord, here I stand my hands in blood. My heart so hard. And yet again I see those nails. Yet again I see Your blood. And there you stand, your hands in my heart. You lips across my forehead. You take the flames, you take the nails. You heal my heart. You feel the scars, how deep they go. "I know." You assure me "I will always love you."

Hallelujah!

Crimson Grace

I find that each night as I lay in bed that there are a billion things that I have failed at. Each day I grieve the spirit in some way. Each day I fall short in some way, however insignificant to me or the world. Each day I find that the only thing that catches me when I slip is the grace, so undeserved and unearned.

My selfish pride puts me in situations that I should not be in. It brings words and thoughts to my mouth that I know are sharp and hurtful. It repels me from those that I love and creates friction between me and the ones who truly need me. One of the most loyal and caring kids I have ever met, Dakota Durr, has shown over and over that he is a true friend with a love that does not hinged on what I can do for him. Yet I push away form him and am almost offended by his naive attitude. How ridicules to think that I am better than he because he sees the good in people who I would never give a second glance. How humbling it is to see a young man like him so much more mature than me in ways that are years beyond me.

My lust for my own selfish desires that goes beyond just a lust of the flesh but of the mind and of glory and of entertainment. It brings a lazy and self centered attitude to me. I can spend hours a lot on a game but won't spend 20 minutes to minister to a friend. How absurd to assume that I am doing everything right. How arrogant to believe that I deserve to be greater. What I deserve is to be humbled. To be placed where everyone can see my weaknesses and taunt me. I deserved to be ashamed. I deserve to be left alone. The solitude that I have earned. What I deserve is a cross. And yet here I am, humbly covered in the crimson grace of Jesus Christ. Here I am desperately holding onto the hand of the Father. Here I am on my knees thanking God for the mercy I don't deserve.

How great is my God?! How much love He has for me! How amazing His grace is! How enormous is his sacrifice for me! Its unbelievable! He allows me each day despite my failures to rest in peace and joy. He allows me to wake each day unashamed and without condemnation. For that I give him my rusty, worthless crown. I lay it at His feet. Take it O' Lord. It weighs more than its worth. It makes my head heavy and my sight blurry. Thank you God for this joy, thank you for this power that flows through me to reach those around me, even though I do not deserve it you allow me each day to be your instrument. Each day you open opportunities for me. Each day you correct me in my ways, patiently, lovingly.

Thank you God for your crimson grace.