Crimson Grace

I find that each night as I lay in bed that there are a billion things that I have failed at. Each day I grieve the spirit in some way. Each day I fall short in some way, however insignificant to me or the world. Each day I find that the only thing that catches me when I slip is the grace, so undeserved and unearned.

My selfish pride puts me in situations that I should not be in. It brings words and thoughts to my mouth that I know are sharp and hurtful. It repels me from those that I love and creates friction between me and the ones who truly need me. One of the most loyal and caring kids I have ever met, Dakota Durr, has shown over and over that he is a true friend with a love that does not hinged on what I can do for him. Yet I push away form him and am almost offended by his naive attitude. How ridicules to think that I am better than he because he sees the good in people who I would never give a second glance. How humbling it is to see a young man like him so much more mature than me in ways that are years beyond me.

My lust for my own selfish desires that goes beyond just a lust of the flesh but of the mind and of glory and of entertainment. It brings a lazy and self centered attitude to me. I can spend hours a lot on a game but won't spend 20 minutes to minister to a friend. How absurd to assume that I am doing everything right. How arrogant to believe that I deserve to be greater. What I deserve is to be humbled. To be placed where everyone can see my weaknesses and taunt me. I deserved to be ashamed. I deserve to be left alone. The solitude that I have earned. What I deserve is a cross. And yet here I am, humbly covered in the crimson grace of Jesus Christ. Here I am desperately holding onto the hand of the Father. Here I am on my knees thanking God for the mercy I don't deserve.

How great is my God?! How much love He has for me! How amazing His grace is! How enormous is his sacrifice for me! Its unbelievable! He allows me each day despite my failures to rest in peace and joy. He allows me to wake each day unashamed and without condemnation. For that I give him my rusty, worthless crown. I lay it at His feet. Take it O' Lord. It weighs more than its worth. It makes my head heavy and my sight blurry. Thank you God for this joy, thank you for this power that flows through me to reach those around me, even though I do not deserve it you allow me each day to be your instrument. Each day you open opportunities for me. Each day you correct me in my ways, patiently, lovingly.

Thank you God for your crimson grace.