Anchored Vessels

Like a buoy I have Anchored you along my great shores. With steel chains I have tethered you to many vessels. Each ship has gone its long journey. Each one full of holes and broken down. The moon rises and with it the tide. The ships fight to tread the water. As the light fades across the horizon the waters begin to storm. The great black pulls the ships into the void. The chains tense and pull upon your very core. Though calamity seems to consume you, one thing remains. I anchor you upon my shore. I will not let you go. With you I will pull from the depths of the black all the ships of the sea. With you, through me, they WILL tread the black.

I Must...

The night I was introduced to Christ, was not the day that I felt His healing power. I did not know my sickness, I did not understand it. Each day I would wake up and an ache from deep inside my heart would remind me of my condition. Like a slow poison pulsing through my veins. How empty my soul felt. How lost my spirit had become.

No, it wasn't until later one night that His healing touch came to me, the night I fell to my knees and told Him that my life was His, that I no longer wished to live it. I asked Him to take it away. To remove the pain that clung to me daily, like a sore. I could feel it like a pit, sucking me inside it and swallowing me up. And emptiness that I could not fulfill, a pain that had been dug out by years of laying in the dark.

That night, something dropped. Something fell inside me. It filled me up and sealed me off. Closing the pit that had tormented me for years. It brought to me a wholeness, a sober feeling only explainable to those who once had blurry vision. The power that was released in my heart cured my illness and brought me back from the brink, to life. How amazing! How insane, the Love that was exposed to me. That night, the hands of Christ grabbed a hold of my heart and filled my scars and took my pain away. And since that night, He has never let go.

But it was not until recently that I could truly explain how simple the feeling was, what truly Christ had done for me. You see, now I no longer lay awake at night. I no longer feel the torment I once did. Now I sleep soundly knowing that I AM ABOUT MY FATHER'S BUSINESS.

Cruel Little Boy

How cruel, how harsh a man can be. What wicked and tormented part of us wishes such harm on our fellow man? What hate have we hidden in our hearts that causes such strife and wrath? What Lord, is so hidden inside me? What, makes me forget time and time again of your great love?

I cry Lord, I plea! Take it away, forgive my soul. I have sinned Lord! I have fallen! What selfishness has overcome me?! How absurd! To even ask forgiveness... Like a cruel child I have attacked your children, and yet return to you for comfort. What boldness to approach you! What arrogance to beg from you!

Why Lord, do I have these scars? Why do I bleed so bad? Who Lord knows how deep these scars go? Who Lord has seen the blood and the pain? Who can understand the tears? What man can see the suffering? The years oh God spent locked away. Whipped and tortured. Burned and cut. Steel Bars of my own foolishness held me. Isolation befriended me. Sorry overwhelmed me. The years Lord, how long they were. The scars Lord, how deep they dug.

There he stood, his words they cut. His hands they smothered. In him was accusations. Around him was death. He drew before me my very actions. He threw upon me my own inequities! He stood there and accused me. His words were true, his charges just. Every crime I committed, every Sin I drank. He brought before me past and present. "To YOU!" he cried, "they belong!" He stamped on me my title, earned in full. He broke my bones. He cut my throat. He shut me in. He locked me away. There he burned me. There he stole from me all that I held dear.

I was alone Lord, bleeding to death I cried out. Surrounded, I surrendered. Desperately the words came out, painfully they were uttered. Save Me Lord. Save me from my selfishness! Save me from my cruelty! Save me from my hate! From my lust! From my envy! Pull from me these nails. I lay there helpless, my crimes before me.

And in the darkness I felt Your great hand. You reached inside me. You touched my heart. It was then you spoke, it was there that you proclaimed to me. "I, have felt these scars. I have seen this blood. I know how deep they go, I've felt their burn. In these hands I took your nails. In these hands I bore your Sin! I have stolen your title. I have set you free!" Your hands they held me. You pulled me free, they took the flames. Your hands they dug, they burrowed in. You felt my very beating heart, and there I lay covered in your great blood. Your heart in mine. Your fire is mine. You traded me my helpless body. You traded me my failing heart.

"Here I have planted, no deeper can one go. No further can one dig. Here I plant my flowing river. Here I rest my healing hands. In your heart I whisper my Word." You stitched me up, you covered me. You set upon me your shining crown. You stamped upon me your golden seal. How precious your blood. In me grew a heart of strength. In me grew a soul of love. "I have cast away your stoney heart. I have purged away your blood stained soul.

Yet Lord, here I stand my hands in blood. My heart so hard. And yet again I see those nails. Yet again I see Your blood. And there you stand, your hands in my heart. You lips across my forehead. You take the flames, you take the nails. You heal my heart. You feel the scars, how deep they go. "I know." You assure me "I will always love you."

Hallelujah!

A Father's Love

Each of us has a different view of a Father, at least initially. It is given to us by our earthly fathers. Some are good and some are bad. Each determines our initial feeling for God, our fathers are an image of who God becomes in our minds. My Father, was not the best man. He was a terrible husband. He made many mistakes in His life and fell many times. However despite my fathers shortcomings he taught me one thing that not matter what I do in this life will never leave me. My father through all his imperfections, taught me the perfect love of a father.

There was never a time in my life I EVER questioned the love my father had for me. I knew that he would tear heaven and hell apart to protect and watch over me. I knew that he was jealous for me. I knew that he wanted the best for me. I knew that he always encouraged me. I knew that no matter what happened he was behind me and he was for me. I KNEW that no matter what happened at the end of the day when I was broken and beaten and when all hope had been ripped away form me that he, through all the tears, through his own pain and suffering, would ALWAYS be there to hold me and watch over me. Above all he taught me that though he loved me dearly, his heart constantly cried for me to love him back. That his only frustrations at me and his greatest pains rooted in my unloving actions toward him.

How blessed I am to have been in that home for so many years. All of the pain all of the hurt was worth that simple love. How valuable, how comforting it has always been, it has created in me such a reserve and faithfulness that I could never claim to be my own. How infinite our God's wisdom is to take such a man who the world deemed unworthy and through him teach such a powerful message. That no matter what our mistakes, He loves us. No matter what happens, HE LOVES US! That no matter what happens HE IS FOR US! How amazing is our God!

Today I can still say, though I have taken a different path than him and though he may not approve, I know he loves me. Moreover, I love him. In that realization I find my love for my heavenly father. I find peace in that, that if we can have such a love for each other being born of this world, how great is that love He brings to this earth.

These days I am separated from my father by a veil, I have gone past it and moved toward my heavenly father, however he is still blinded by it, trapped on the other side. I scream and I cry out to him, follow me but he can't hear me, he can't see me. He is so far from me it is unreal. In this I realize my Father's pain, that for so long I was on the other side of that veil. For so long He cried out to me and I could not hear Him. For so long He longed to bring me into His embrace but I could not feel Him. Oh God how strong and mighty you are to have such love. I pray Lord, break his bonds and show him your love. Use me Father to show him a son's love. My heart is broken for him Lord. Let him see the power of the cross and the love we both hold for him. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice and grace towards us. Amen.

Seasons

As the day comes to a close I reflect on the information presented today by our God. It is interesting to note how He will gently push us here and there and then when we feel lost he will reveal to us where we really are. This is interesting because the whole time if we would just open our eyes and seek we would quickly discover where He wishes to lead us... however I'm straying from the topic.

Between God's Word for me along with some conversations with some very influential people in my life along with an intimate prayer session with Jesus, I have come to a conclusion. Though I do not want it, I have been moved into a season of my life which requires me to do the exact opposite of my current wishes. My desires while not wrong are clearly not what God wants for me right now or will manifest in another way. Until then I will pursue His Kingdom and Seek His Righteousness. The conclusion while not what I initially expected, still brings me peace. The Word Pastor Glen Johnson brought tonight was dead on. Often we run around trying to justify or figure out what we think God's will in a given situation is, when all along we really knew what it was and were simply trying to find out own way.

That is a warning shot. We must be careful not to overlook or dismiss the voice of God and His will for us. If we do we open ourselves up for self deceit as well as the Enemy's deceit. So let us find peace in His words and trust in His good judgement no matter how much we want to resist, because in Him there is perfect peace that "...surpasses all understanding".

In this new season I find hope for future seasons, though some seasons may require that we take up our cross and step forward on faith, sacrificing our wishes and our plans. We have Hope that in the future He will bring us to a season of rest and strengthening. So while I may be gearing up for a difficult season I know that there is rest on the other side and I know that He has prepared me diligently for the quest ahead and if He is with me, none can stand against me. Amen.

These Hands

These hands are for the broken hearted, for the empty handed, for the lost and confused. These hands bring peace, these hands bring healing, these hands bring life, these hands are strength to weary bones. These hands carry fire, these hands consume guilt. These hands break strongholds. These hands are strong and mighty. these hands do not fail. These hands always love. These hands beckon joy. These hands carry hope. These Hands are not my own. These hands belong to you.

When all seems lost and hope is gone, when life is absent and death is present. These hands will carry, these hands will hold. When hearts are broken and men have failed, when the walls are too high and the steel is too strong, these hands will break these hands will bend. When you're all alone and light is fading, when you're broken down without words, these hands will heal these hands will bind.

These hands have been consumed. These hands have been crucified. These hands no longer bare my will. These hands no longer bleed my blood. These hands are His, these hands are life. These hands are Christ's, they will conquer, they will prosper.

I Bear Witness

We are the witnesses today of what will be written in decades to come. We will be the ones who must write and explain to our descendants why we chose to make the choices we have made. It is our responsibility and our burden to remember these days. Another century gone by, another hundred years of human struggle. It is our responsibility to remember the great accomplishments of our day, and the great sadness. We must remember each birth and each death of each day.

Today I will attend the memorial of a righteous man of God. Not because he had obtained in his life some form of righteousness through his good deeds or good behavior, but through his faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. A man who's love for Christ compelled him to action, a man who's obedience to God set in motion life changing events. Gabriel Washburn discipled two of the greatest men of God I have ever met in my life, who's anointing is clear and the hand of God is vividly evident in every aspect of their lives. His obedience and guidance pulled them into a love and strength that even unto his death could not be shaken.

I stand in awe of the love of God. I new very little about Gabriel, my experiences with him are few and far between. I did not have the privileged to be discipled by such a man. However the fruit of his labor grows around me each day, it would be hard to go a day without remembering his life. I once read that true fruit is shown through your spiritual grandchildren. I know now that is what I am. Through Gabe's discipleship of Sean Gleason and Jordan Shaw, I too have been discipled by them. Brought in to the revelation and love of our God. I am so blessed to be a part of such a strong and spiritual lineage.

Now I bear witness of the death of such a great man, taken early from his calling by the thorns of Satan. Brought low by the power of condemnation and shame. It is a striking reminder that we all must answer to our convictions, that we must stand strong in our faith for one another. It is a reminder that we must all be open and accepting of one another's faults as not to put each other to shame. Most importantly it is a realization of the power of the individual. That one man can effect so many lives, so directly and indirectly.

So as we celebrate the life of God's son. Let us be compelled to be more like him. Let us walk out the anointing he was called to. We will use his death as a reminder of how we should live. Let his death bring to us grace and love for all those around us. We praise you God and thank you for your grace and love in our lives. Amen.

The Girl The Wolves And The Fire

The dream started with me and the Durr's entering into a restaurant like place something like the Seattle Needle. We were aware of some kind of pending doom... like the shock wave from a Nuclear Bomb. As we approached the Cashier, I looked up and saw a glass ceiling above us and I could see all the people dancing and eating. It was as if people were aware of the coming doom but didn't see it as serious or felt safe up in their restaurant. When we went up the stairs, we grabbed a Table closer to the edge, the room made kind of an L shape and we were seated right where the L bent. I stood up and I saw my friend and she called my name in a friendly way as if we had not seen each other in quite some time, and we hugged. Then as I went to pull away we began to dance. We danced for a while then slipped away from one another and went back to our families' tables. Then everything went black.

The next thing I remember is being in a destroyed City, looking down a sloped road. That is when I noticed my spiritual leader with me (A Shaman monk). I felt as though he was part of a group though it was never said, that there were more than just him, who were not there. He seemed urgent... as if my life was endanger and I had some soft of important task to take care of... for some reason I was especially important. As we walked along the road he guided me around debris... such as Cars and walls that had collapsed. As we walked... to my right I noticed a figure standing in the alleyway. He was large built and seemed almost to give off an aura or steam. I pointed him out to my Spiritual leader, who immediately began to move towards him. As he approached the man in the alley, who did not move, the man grabbed him and snapped his neck, then dropped him. Without losing a beat he began to run towards me and as he did he transformed into a wolf, a large one. I began to run but he caught up quickly and knocked me down. as I turned over I shoved my right arm into his mouth as far back as it would go so he couldn't bite me, specifically my neck. Stridently I became aware of God around me and I was consumed by the holy spirit and literally covered in flames. I grabbed the wolf by side of the head and pinned it to the road, then I bit its throat and ripped it out.

The next thing I remember is trying to avoid being captured by the wolves. I had returned to my old house (not my real one but apparently in my dream my home or the home of someone I knew) and they tracked me there, there was a large hole in the floor and I could see them below me and they saw me and began to come up for me. So I ran out into the forest, the wilderness. And as I ran I came to a building... something like a business office or a hospital where apparently the girl form before worked. I had been trying to find her as she was the only close person I could remember or think of and it seemed apparent that I needed to find her. I got fairly close to her but don't remember really speaking to her only seeing her and her seeing me. Most of the rest is hazy and I don't remember it.

Crimson Grace

I find that each night as I lay in bed that there are a billion things that I have failed at. Each day I grieve the spirit in some way. Each day I fall short in some way, however insignificant to me or the world. Each day I find that the only thing that catches me when I slip is the grace, so undeserved and unearned.

My selfish pride puts me in situations that I should not be in. It brings words and thoughts to my mouth that I know are sharp and hurtful. It repels me from those that I love and creates friction between me and the ones who truly need me. One of the most loyal and caring kids I have ever met, Dakota Durr, has shown over and over that he is a true friend with a love that does not hinged on what I can do for him. Yet I push away form him and am almost offended by his naive attitude. How ridicules to think that I am better than he because he sees the good in people who I would never give a second glance. How humbling it is to see a young man like him so much more mature than me in ways that are years beyond me.

My lust for my own selfish desires that goes beyond just a lust of the flesh but of the mind and of glory and of entertainment. It brings a lazy and self centered attitude to me. I can spend hours a lot on a game but won't spend 20 minutes to minister to a friend. How absurd to assume that I am doing everything right. How arrogant to believe that I deserve to be greater. What I deserve is to be humbled. To be placed where everyone can see my weaknesses and taunt me. I deserved to be ashamed. I deserve to be left alone. The solitude that I have earned. What I deserve is a cross. And yet here I am, humbly covered in the crimson grace of Jesus Christ. Here I am desperately holding onto the hand of the Father. Here I am on my knees thanking God for the mercy I don't deserve.

How great is my God?! How much love He has for me! How amazing His grace is! How enormous is his sacrifice for me! Its unbelievable! He allows me each day despite my failures to rest in peace and joy. He allows me to wake each day unashamed and without condemnation. For that I give him my rusty, worthless crown. I lay it at His feet. Take it O' Lord. It weighs more than its worth. It makes my head heavy and my sight blurry. Thank you God for this joy, thank you for this power that flows through me to reach those around me, even though I do not deserve it you allow me each day to be your instrument. Each day you open opportunities for me. Each day you correct me in my ways, patiently, lovingly.

Thank you God for your crimson grace.