Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

My heart goes out to a generation of boys who have grown up not knowing what a man is or how even to become one. I fear for this next generation of young men. So lost in the concepts and cultures of this world that they can't see that the past is being repeated in front of them. The very causes of their own pain and struggle as children is bring repeated in their own lives. The same mistakes. The same lusts and poor decisions based on emotions have them trapped into settling for a life sub-par from what God has in store for them.

I was raised by a Paradox of a man. My father is a good man. I've never met a more caring and loving father. I could tell you from the time I could speak that my daddy loved me. He would move heaven and earth to see me safe. Nothing was above giving up for his children. Nothing. He taught me how to treat a lady, that they are to protected and looked after. And yet, he fell short in treating them as a wife. He failed utterly as a husband. It wasn't because he was unfaithful, or because he didn't care for or love them. But he was a hurt man and because he wasn't whole, he could never hope to be a part of a whole marriage. He was trapped by his owns lusts and confusion likely set before him by his own father and yet by some miracle always remained faithful to his wife.

I never had a mother. There was no one to take care of me, hold on to me or teach me what a lady was like. They were always a confusing and allusive creature to me and because of that, I tried very hard to exclude myself from them. Yet, some part of me knew it was my responsibility to look out for them. I was always the boy in class who spoke up when a girl was being picked on, when a boy was being rude. When I was in high school, I was considered the group "mom" who always spoke out against derogatory or base remarks from the other young men. Many a time I would get into fights and arguments with other boys over such things. Its how my father taught me. To stand up against what I believed was wrong and to do what was right no matter the personal cost.

By high school my exclusion from girls turned like most young men into a curiosity. My experience however taught me that there is a difference from girls and women.

When Christ entered my life, my ideas of manhood where utterly overthrown. And yet, principles that my father instilled in me flourished. I began to learn how much work it truly is, the responsibility .. the disciple required to fulfill the position.

As I have grown I have seen many young boys around me fall short. I don't say this in a judgmental way of their lack of discipline or their failure despite effort. But rather out of a lack of effort. They aren't trying. This is obviously a blanket statement and certainly doesn't apply to a select few. I have met many young men in my walk that have humbled me utterly with their conviction. However there are many to whom manliness is a forgotten ideal. It breaks my heart and in many cases frankly infuriates me. One day I will be a husband and a father and to see young men act the way that they do makes me sick. There is no respect for purity or lady-like behavior. There is no discipline for emotional and financial stability. Weak men create a weak culture.

And so I find myself more and more wishing to tell the young boys I meet one thing:

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

Solitude, His Peace.

It is in the darkest hours of the night that I find peace. When everything and everyone else is covered in darkness it is easier to find Him. I feel as though I'm back in the Garden, walking in His presence. There is a peace and a wholeness when I am alone with just Him...

In life I find many struggles and difficulties, primarily in myself. There is turmoil and unrest in my soul. On one hand I rebel and fight the immense difficulty and expectations of my King. I disdain His presence and wish only to be free from what seems an unfair imprisonment.

On the other hand, I am His righteous servant. I give my life up for the His glorious will. I bow before His crown and see the justice of His being. I love His presence and I seek it constantly, I understands His expectations and I find them agreeable...

And so a civil war takes place in my soul. I am like the restless sea, constantly shifting and turning in the night... gaining and receding... the tide of my heart ever so changing.

I am both the Monster in the woods and the Knight whom slays him... when the black overwhelms me all of the struggle passes away and my soul finds peace, the King's presence demands peace. Both sides throw down arms and submit to His righteous decree, knees bowed they give over their struggle in the hope of true peace.

And so... in this night my heart is made still... through all the worry and all the pain I find His love breaks through to the sunrise. You see, when we are alone... that is when we find that the enemy we're fighting has always been ourselves.

Seasons

As the day comes to a close I reflect on the information presented today by our God. It is interesting to note how He will gently push us here and there and then when we feel lost he will reveal to us where we really are. This is interesting because the whole time if we would just open our eyes and seek we would quickly discover where He wishes to lead us... however I'm straying from the topic.

Between God's Word for me along with some conversations with some very influential people in my life along with an intimate prayer session with Jesus, I have come to a conclusion. Though I do not want it, I have been moved into a season of my life which requires me to do the exact opposite of my current wishes. My desires while not wrong are clearly not what God wants for me right now or will manifest in another way. Until then I will pursue His Kingdom and Seek His Righteousness. The conclusion while not what I initially expected, still brings me peace. The Word Pastor Glen Johnson brought tonight was dead on. Often we run around trying to justify or figure out what we think God's will in a given situation is, when all along we really knew what it was and were simply trying to find out own way.

That is a warning shot. We must be careful not to overlook or dismiss the voice of God and His will for us. If we do we open ourselves up for self deceit as well as the Enemy's deceit. So let us find peace in His words and trust in His good judgement no matter how much we want to resist, because in Him there is perfect peace that "...surpasses all understanding".

In this new season I find hope for future seasons, though some seasons may require that we take up our cross and step forward on faith, sacrificing our wishes and our plans. We have Hope that in the future He will bring us to a season of rest and strengthening. So while I may be gearing up for a difficult season I know that there is rest on the other side and I know that He has prepared me diligently for the quest ahead and if He is with me, none can stand against me. Amen.

The Laborer Is Worthy Of His Wages

Pride, often in our lives is our downfall. We are unable to put it aside and accept the help of others, or we are unwilling to put it down for the sake of others. It alienates us from those we love and ourselves. It puts us in a position in which we can no longer be ourselves. We gain an unrelenting fear of failure because while in pride it is all we have.

Pride has been a reoccurring theme in my life, as it is with many people. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. However, I have come to peace with my own imperfection and short comings, as they were all settled on the Cross with our Lord Jesus. Yet, I feel inadequate at times. I feel as though I am not doing enough, or that I am not doing the right thing.

My heart is and always will be for His kingdom. I strive each day to further it in whatever way I can and I submit and serve as best that I know how. However, I do not work. I have no job, except that I am employed by His kingdom.  I bring in not revenue and I save no money.

This is my inadequacy. I feel as though I should. I feel like I must work to obtain something, as though somehow if I could just get a job, if I could just gain something, that everything would be alright. I want desperately to work and gain, to show achievement, to show progress. What kind of man wouldn't want that? What kind of man would not want to provide and to give freely. And yet, in serving Him, I have found no cause for a Job. I am supported and taken care of. I am given to freely and blessed abundantly with friends and family who care so much for me.

Is it Pride or Righteousness that tugs at my heart to go out and obtain, to provide. That is a question only my heart and God can answer. Recently it has been an on going struggle to deal with this inadequacy. I have not known how to deal with it. Should I drop what I am doing and get a job? Is that Biblical and Righteous? Or is it Pride and selfishness? In this search, deep into my heart and in the spirit of God I came to a revelation. My Father, God lead me to Luke 10:7 "And remain in the same house, eating and drinking such things as they give, for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not go from house to house."

This is the answer that my Father gave to me and the same He gives to all His servants wherever their faith is. I am worthy of my wages because I serve a just and fair God. I serve a Loving and fatherly God. Thank you Lord, for your grace and spirit of revelation and comes upon me. You change me and humble me daily, you are my rock. You are my center, my everything. Amen.

Dear God

Father, all my wishes all my prayers rest in your word. All my hopes father rest on your promises. Without your guiding light I am lost, I am blind. I find myself Lord when I am not seeking you, falling away into my hopelessness. This life Lord is a constant pursuit of your goodness that seems to never end. My heart cries Lord for your spirit for your truth. My soul Lord craves your love. God, I need to hear you. I need to touch you. I seek you Lord. You are the object of my obsessions. My life pivots on your grace.

Lord there are times that I am alone and you feel so far away, death Lord would be better than that. Every time I fall every time I betray you my birth was vain. My life is forfeit. Every time Lord that I fall short of your plans and your intentions it would be better that I had never existed. My plans Father my intentions my strength my wisdom my knowledge it is all in vain! Nothing I could ever create or do could save me.

My cry Lord, is grace. Consume me Father, change me! Renew me! Break me down Father and build me back up. Rend from me the garments of poverty and pain, loosen the shackles of sin. I am yours. Restore to me father your garments of love, your ring of authority. Arm me God, with your sword and your shield. Guard me Lord I am so afraid. I am afraid that I will forget your grace for a second that I will forget the price you paid God. Jesus! How dare I forget your sacrifice, how dare I betray your cause. God do not allow me to live if I am no moved by your great love. Extinguisher this light if it ever strays from the cross.

I am yours oh God, your grace is sufficient your love is enough. Your presence satisfies my soul. Let me not grow weary in good doing. Let me not falter in your cause. protect me Lord. My refuge my guardian.

Strength To Stand

It is the strongest among us that are found broken and beaten. They have a strength inside them that says I will not fall, I will not be overtaken. A God given ability to resist destruction and stand against all odds. It is this ability that makes them the target of the misfortunes of life. It is because of this ability that all the forces of hell rise against them. Their strength is turned into a weakness. They are deceived into thinking that they can do it alone, that they are strong enough to overcome anything. Then when the deck is stacked against them and the forces of hell are setting at their doorstep they have no where to turn, they find themselves alone with no way out. They find that through all their strength they can not resist the whole world alone. They have no choice but to fold, they have no choice but to fall.

Because if these warriors could grasp the strength given to them by God and acknowledge where their strength lies that they could defy the Devils and destroy their pride. They could stop fighting for themselves and start fighting for what truly matters and we would see such a change in our generation where we will stand defiant against hell its self and tell Satan that HE WILL NOT PREVAIL. That we are purchased with a price and no trickery or pride will separate us from our God. That our generation will say enough is enough, our lives are not our own. It will be a day that we will not have to stand alone but along side the creator of all things and if he is with us, who could stand against us.

That will be the day that Love will prevail. That will be the day with no more tears. It is our responsibility as the strong to protect the weak, stand up generation.