Why I Have Given Up Video Games...

Recently, I've made the decision to stop playing video games. Those who know me, know how much that means to me, and that in part is why I've chosen to do it.

I didn't have the best childhood. I was raised by a single father with four kids. We didn't have much money growing up. We didn't get the nice things other kids got. Sometimes we slept on the floor. Sometimes we slept on the dirt. My father tried his best to take care of his kids. He worked jobs you'd only see hard working Hispanics take. The jobs everyone else considered themselves too good for. I remember times when I wouldn't see him for weeks because he didn't get home until late and went straight to bed just to get up early the next morning before we woke.

Most of the things us kids had were second hand. It killed my dad. All he ever wanted was to take care of his kids. We learned early in life what takes some people a lifetime. Life ins't fair. People don't get handed everything they want. Sometimes you have to make tough choices you don't want to make. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do.

Needless to say my life was less than desirable most of my childhood. I didn't always notice it though. My dad did his best to distract us from the reality of our situations. When we become homeless my 3rd grade year of school, my dad did his best to make it feel like we were just camping. smores and hot dogs were always around. But try as he might, we weren't stupid.

As I grew older I grew to hate this world. I truly truly hated it. I hated the hurt. I hated how unfair it was. Despite how good of a person I tried to be I found that the world pretty much hated me. People didn't like me. I moved around a lot. It got to the point that I really didn't know how to interact with people. I was awkward. I was rude. And people didn't like that. So because people didn't like me, I didn't like them. I decided to take all that pain and that hurt and use it to build a great big wall around myself. I shut people out. I didn't think things were funny anymore. I didn't find good in anything at all.

When I got to high school my dad gave me my first computer. I had always had an affinity for video games because they helped me forget about my life. I forgot about the hurt. I could be the person I wanted to be without fear of rejection or hurt. In video games, people already had a predetermined opinion of me and it was usually good. It was a nice escape. I took the computer my dad gave me and I completely abandoned reality. I had no desire for it. I didn't even like sleeping because the dreams were just as bad as the school I was forced to attend. I wanted no part in it.

Fast forward to my senior year, I got saved. Jesus entered my life and flipped me upside down. He came in and he wrecked my heart, completely changing me from the inside out. I got plugged in, discipled and learned what God really had planned for my life.

These past three years have been the best years of my life. But recently I've tried to become really transparent with myself. I've found that my addiction to video games has become a hindrance not only for my life but also for my effectiveness for Christ. Its become a massive distraction from my actual goals and desires. It set itself as an idol in my life and I have loved it more than my life. I have realized that it has become an outlet for when I don't want to deal with a situation or an emotion. I just bury it away in my games and pretend like it isn't there. So, at least for now I have decided that I'm not going to allow them to continue the way that they are. I've given them up to pursue the things in my life that are truly worth living for.

Take Captives...

As we become closer to God, our weaknesses become more apparent. Its not hard to see where we have fallen short. When compared to the living God... the perfect being... we always find ourselves lacking. Don't mistake this for a glorified pity party. Our recognition of our weakness comes hand in hand with the realization of God's amazing grace on us and the strength that He provides for us daily. However in that weakness we often find that our thoughts run wild.

I have always been one to immediately become frustrated with people. I would rather hit someone with a chair than actually deal with them. I don't like being slowed down. I don't like miss-communication. I don't like laziness or failure. Ironically all things I'm very guilty of. However, I tend to become impatient with people. I want them to get their crap together so I can move on with my life... this has never been a secret to me. I've always known of my inpatients but until Christ I never knew what to do with it. I could never process the irony of my failures being my greatest annoyance.

That is, until I understand the meaning of taking thoughts captive.

I'm a fighter. I'm a warrior. I like to break stuff. I like to bulldoze through things. I love overwhelming force. I love quick and decisive victory. So these words came to me with great weight. Take your thoughts captive... amazing. Imprison them. Don't let them run free. Keep them in a cage. Lock them away. I love it. Its a great idea. However... its unhealthy. You can't just lock stuff up and hope it goes away. You can't just bottle up emotion and frustration. It doesn't work. Eventually that coke can is going to blow up. Eventually I'll lose my patients.

Thats where things get tricky. Take them captive, and give them to Christ. Surrender them to Christ. Let Jesus take them and punish them accordingly. Let him take care of your stress and frustration. Let him deal with you in all your imperfectness. Thats what Hes really doing here. Hes dealing with you. Your pride. Your arrogance. Your temper. Let him do it. You suck at it. You can't deal with you. You're bigger than you can handle.

Thats genius! I can't deal with me! I'm too head strong! I'm too unbending! I'm too darn prideful! I'd rather punch me than talk to me! Let God do it. Let him deal with my unreasonable attitude. Let him deal with my temper. Hes probably a lot better at it, considering He made me.

This, has changed my life. I have learned that when my temper is let loose... or I start to become impatient or unreasonable... its time to get a little closer to the Lord. Its time to let God deal with my attitude. Intense worship of Him is the only way to deal with me. Demanding that my flesh submit to my God.

He always shows up. And He always helps me to understand myself, to deal with the root of the issue. To allow me the opportunity to put myself down and actually take up my cross. And when He does... my perspective begins to change. Suddenly I'm not so right. Suddenly I begin to really understand the situation. Its like a veil is lifted. Finally I can see. All I had to do was take captive my naive thoughts and hand them over to Christ to filter and understand. Its a great system. Take Captives.

The Laborer Is Worthy Of His Wages

Pride, often in our lives is our downfall. We are unable to put it aside and accept the help of others, or we are unwilling to put it down for the sake of others. It alienates us from those we love and ourselves. It puts us in a position in which we can no longer be ourselves. We gain an unrelenting fear of failure because while in pride it is all we have.

Pride has been a reoccurring theme in my life, as it is with many people. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. However, I have come to peace with my own imperfection and short comings, as they were all settled on the Cross with our Lord Jesus. Yet, I feel inadequate at times. I feel as though I am not doing enough, or that I am not doing the right thing.

My heart is and always will be for His kingdom. I strive each day to further it in whatever way I can and I submit and serve as best that I know how. However, I do not work. I have no job, except that I am employed by His kingdom.  I bring in not revenue and I save no money.

This is my inadequacy. I feel as though I should. I feel like I must work to obtain something, as though somehow if I could just get a job, if I could just gain something, that everything would be alright. I want desperately to work and gain, to show achievement, to show progress. What kind of man wouldn't want that? What kind of man would not want to provide and to give freely. And yet, in serving Him, I have found no cause for a Job. I am supported and taken care of. I am given to freely and blessed abundantly with friends and family who care so much for me.

Is it Pride or Righteousness that tugs at my heart to go out and obtain, to provide. That is a question only my heart and God can answer. Recently it has been an on going struggle to deal with this inadequacy. I have not known how to deal with it. Should I drop what I am doing and get a job? Is that Biblical and Righteous? Or is it Pride and selfishness? In this search, deep into my heart and in the spirit of God I came to a revelation. My Father, God lead me to Luke 10:7 "And remain in the same house, eating and drinking such things as they give, for the laborer is worthy of his wages. Do not go from house to house."

This is the answer that my Father gave to me and the same He gives to all His servants wherever their faith is. I am worthy of my wages because I serve a just and fair God. I serve a Loving and fatherly God. Thank you Lord, for your grace and spirit of revelation and comes upon me. You change me and humble me daily, you are my rock. You are my center, my everything. Amen.