Fear

I am convinced that in my life, I think, that the most difficult thing about being a man, specifically a Christian man, is the fear. A terribly feeling that seems to attack us everywhere. At our home, in our workplace. On the stage and in the darkest depths of the night. It is present at every decision in our life. It fights heavily against every accomplishment. It is FEAR that has convinced me of the presence of God. You see because in every dark corner of our minds. Where fear triumphs. There is a still quite voice steadily whispering in our ears "Do not fear." It is here that I am introduced to the strongest quality in every man. Courage.

It makes me wonder, if maybe Father knew that we would be so afraid, that we would betray Him. So He whispered into our hearts the very tool to see us to the other side. Because where Fear persists God persists. Where fear attacks, God strengthens. In courage we find the very spirit of God ushering us along. What more could a man ask for than to have his Father forever fighting in his corner.

Because He Loves You So Much...

Every time I look at this image, it breaks my heart. A picture of a lion and a little kid reaching out to one another but separated by glass. Realistically this lion may want to eat the little girl as a snack (joking) but symbolically there is something profound I find here.

I grew up without a mother. I never had someone to hold me when I was crying or to teach me the compassion and heart of a women. There are many experiences and life lessons that I spent a great deal of time without. However one thing that I did not miss out on, was the love of a father.

I never had to wonder if someone loved me. I never had to wonder if someone would protect me, if they could protect me. I knew that if anything ever tried to come between my father and I, he would tear it apart. I was always proud of my father. Even in his alcoholism, I never once doubted his love or ability to take care of me. He has a felony to prove it.

When God was introduced into my life, it became overly apparent that He held those same characteristics as my father did. Loving, protective, jealous for me. As I contemplated my time in life without God, I began to get a picture like this one in my mind. God says Himself, that He will never leave us, so He must have always been there... right?! So what... what could keep Him from us?! A veil. Revelation. All that time... He was just sitting there, patiently... desperately... jealously. Waiting for me to look on the other side of it. Waiting to rip the only thing separating us apart.

That's how much He loves us.

The very idea that God is just waiting on us... waiting... trying send a message through that glass house. Unable to speak to us... because we are so unwilling to listen... unwilling to believe the truth. That He's always been there. That He never abandoned us.

I get this picture in my mind of a little kid trapped in a dark dark room. Filled with hate. Filled with hopelessness. Assaulted and hurt by the evil that occupies the room. The only door to the room is made from solid wood. Worn down by years of pounding and banging... scratching... trying to get out. Screams can be heard inside the room... crying... sobbing...

On the other side of the door sits a man. A father. He hears the cries of his child. With each yelp and scream he pounds harder on the door. Like the beat of a drum, without pause and without relent. Desperately trying to break down the door. Unable to open it from the outside.

The words shoot violently from His mouth.
"Unlock the door!"

He never gives up. He never walks away. Because He Loves You So Much...

A Father's Love

Each of us has a different view of a Father, at least initially. It is given to us by our earthly fathers. Some are good and some are bad. Each determines our initial feeling for God, our fathers are an image of who God becomes in our minds. My Father, was not the best man. He was a terrible husband. He made many mistakes in His life and fell many times. However despite my fathers shortcomings he taught me one thing that not matter what I do in this life will never leave me. My father through all his imperfections, taught me the perfect love of a father.

There was never a time in my life I EVER questioned the love my father had for me. I knew that he would tear heaven and hell apart to protect and watch over me. I knew that he was jealous for me. I knew that he wanted the best for me. I knew that he always encouraged me. I knew that no matter what happened he was behind me and he was for me. I KNEW that no matter what happened at the end of the day when I was broken and beaten and when all hope had been ripped away form me that he, through all the tears, through his own pain and suffering, would ALWAYS be there to hold me and watch over me. Above all he taught me that though he loved me dearly, his heart constantly cried for me to love him back. That his only frustrations at me and his greatest pains rooted in my unloving actions toward him.

How blessed I am to have been in that home for so many years. All of the pain all of the hurt was worth that simple love. How valuable, how comforting it has always been, it has created in me such a reserve and faithfulness that I could never claim to be my own. How infinite our God's wisdom is to take such a man who the world deemed unworthy and through him teach such a powerful message. That no matter what our mistakes, He loves us. No matter what happens, HE LOVES US! That no matter what happens HE IS FOR US! How amazing is our God!

Today I can still say, though I have taken a different path than him and though he may not approve, I know he loves me. Moreover, I love him. In that realization I find my love for my heavenly father. I find peace in that, that if we can have such a love for each other being born of this world, how great is that love He brings to this earth.

These days I am separated from my father by a veil, I have gone past it and moved toward my heavenly father, however he is still blinded by it, trapped on the other side. I scream and I cry out to him, follow me but he can't hear me, he can't see me. He is so far from me it is unreal. In this I realize my Father's pain, that for so long I was on the other side of that veil. For so long He cried out to me and I could not hear Him. For so long He longed to bring me into His embrace but I could not feel Him. Oh God how strong and mighty you are to have such love. I pray Lord, break his bonds and show him your love. Use me Father to show him a son's love. My heart is broken for him Lord. Let him see the power of the cross and the love we both hold for him. Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice and grace towards us. Amen.