Purity

I've posted about purity before in my blog, but this time I really want to focus on something that's been bugging me for a while.

I'll start with defining Purity.

pu·ri·ty
noun

1. the condition or quality of being pure; freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes,etc.: the purity of drinking water.
2. freedom from any admixture or modifying addition.
3. ceremonial or ritual cleanness.
4. freedom from guilt or evil; innocence.
5. physical chastity; virginity.

The kind of purity that I'm thinking about is more about the mind than the body. Jesus said in Matthew 15:10-11:

"When He had called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, “Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.”

We're called above all else, to keep our mouths clean. Yet, I've seen people get mocked for attempting this by fellow Christians. Moreover, I've seen people criticized and downplayed when they try to encourage others not to speak crass or rudely.

Let me stop here for a second and explain exactly what I mean when I'm talking about an unclean mouth. I'm not talking about "swear" words. I'm referring to derogatory, sexually perverse, base speech.

I'm also not trying to sell some kind of legalistic law here either. Rather I'm trying to express my concerns of the spirit of the law itself. That we attack people, laugh at people, downplay individuals who try to keep their thoughts or their mouths clean.

I think the reason that we do this (I say we because what is most distressing about this subject for me is my own violation of it) because we associate Purity/Innocent with Naivety. As if, to choose to think filthy or perverse thought opposed to a pure or innocent thought on a subject, is better because it shows knowledge.

It's that whole knowledge of "good and evil" thing biting us straight in the bum. It's not necessarily that people (I think) disagree with purity but rather that they find the notion rather naive. As if we could live in a sinned filled world and not be corrupted by its culture and customs.

Yet, Paul warns us in Romans 12:2:
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

If I'm honest. When I hear someone I would otherwise find to live a life of purity, or whom I respect, speak perversely or in a base manner. It breaks my heart. I hate it. Not that I'm upset at the person, but that this world continually assaults our purity and righteousness. And we SELL OUT FOR SO CHEAP. As if we don't even understand the value placed on our purity. Like we don't see the pearls we're just casting to the swine.

We give our innocence away for promises of knowledge or understanding that we previously didn't have. As if obtaining that perverse information somehow will "better" us. We TRADE THE PROMISES OF GOD FOR A LIE (Romans 1:25). Frankly it breaks my heart. Every single time.

Even though I still make those same mistakes, even though I sell out for so cheap. That heart break just encourages me every time to take a little bit wider steps in the direction of purity and makes me think twice about giving an inch back. I desperately wish our generation could grasp how amazing, how beautiful, and how life changing it truly is to live pure. Not just physically (although that's important too!) but really to fight the battle mentally.

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness...

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
[2 Timothy 2:22]

I have strived for 3 years in an attempt to maintain purity in both my mind and body. In the society that we live, this is a fight with many causalities. It is not a fight one can take lighthearted. I have my own personal shames and failures in this fight. Yet, in spite of its difficulty and near impossible goal... I push on.

It is not some extreme source of will power or some divine mantle that has given me such a drive to fight. I have been given a very good reason to fight. I have never engaged in a relationship with a girl in which I did not place my full heart on the table. I have and I will always love people as if I will love them forever. Especially those who I had developed feelings for. I am a covenant man. I am imperfect and fail, but I never forget those who I have committed to. I have always been this way, it is a God instilled trait. It is part of my character. As Paul put it: 

"for God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable." 

[Romans 11:29]

Because of this, I have suffered. My poor choices and fickle heart have in the past drawn me in to my own self inflicted defeat. If I were to relate myself best to a biblical character, I think tragically I would best compare to Samson.

Before Christ entered my life, this combination brought me to the brink of despair. Incapable of functioning. It bound me. Crushed me. I had become a shell of the man who I once strived to become. My heart you see, was poisoned. I had discovered realities of this world that made life not worth living.

Fidelity was no longer chief. It was no longer established above relationships. In fact I doubted the possibility of its existence. Fidelity being the value I held most dear. Trust was gone. There was only me. Despite my unwavering loyalty and dedication to those I love. I found that it was never returned when it was most needed.

Chivalry was dead. It was no longer acceptable in our society. I could no longer throw my coat down for a lady to walk across, I could no longer open doors for ladies without being told I was a chauvinist. My strength, both mental spiritual and physical was no longer needed. Women did not want a man who protected and cared for them. What had once been seen as true manly behavior had become a twisted and tainted belief. It was dead. Women did not want to be a damsel in distress. They did not want to be saved. To be sought after. The place and the purpose that I had drawn my strength was found to be an empty crypt. 

Purity was lost. I found that despite my best efforts to maintain my purity (even before Christ's intervention in my life) it was in vain. Purity was no longer valued. It was mocked. Virginity was without value. A clean mind was without place. Things that I desperately fought for. They had become fool's gold. I had been chasing the wrong treasure. My desire for a pure relationship. A pure marriage, had become hopeless.

I found myself in a world I did not wish to be a part of. Love had been my purpose. Every goal and achievement in my life. All the knowledge and effort I had put into my mind, became suddenly worthless. My world had become pain. I had placed my heart out for the world to see, given my strength away. It came back wanting.

Then suddenly, in all that pain... when death had become a longing... like the desire to run away... like a pool of water in the desert. Desirable, promising, peaceful... a savior stepped in.

He restored me. Filled me. Held me together in the cold nights... when despite my service and loyalty... I could still feel the pain. Slowly... like a nurse ministering to a man recovering from war, he brought me back to life.

Three years, I have pursued purity. I have forsaken all relationships. I have forsaken all intimacy. I have given up any form of love that does not meet the requirements of Christ Jesus. I have decided that I will wait forever. For Fidelity. For Chivalry. For Purity. That at the end of my days if I never experience love again, the love of Christ will sustain me. I will stand alone. Forever. For the sake of what is right and true.

Because even when the world comes down on me. Even when this earthly love fails me, there is a savior who will tear apart heaven and earth if I call on His name. He is faithful to answer. He is pure and without blemish. And yet, despite the fact that I am not. He still is.

So I will flee, and I will run. I will run with the young men who have taken up the difficult fight for purity. I will pursue righteousness. Faith. Love. Peace. Because of first my God, who I owe all loyalty and faith. But also because if I can't do so for the one Christ has picked out for me, then how could I ever expect her to.