Pay & Position

Recently I've taken a step back from most of my duties in ministry. I've volunteered for three and a half years in our media department at our church without pay or position. Neither of those things have ever really been something I wanted. Money is a means to an end, not something I really want but in the long run something I need. Position has never been a thing to concern me in the kingdom of God because God calls each of us to different roles and places in ministry and I'm not concerned with which is better. However it was these two reasons that demanded that I take a step back.

pay

While I was volunteering full-time at my church I also started a business with a friend of mine. We built and marketed websites. At first, it went pretty well. We got a few solid contracts and within a few months I was making a decent wage. However, balancing two full time jobs at once isn't really an easy thing to do. In both ministry and in my workplace I dropped the ball several times. I just wasn't capable of doing both at the same time. I'm not sure why. It probably had something to do with bad time management or just a lack of capacity to complete that much work under deadlines.

My inability to juggle both jobs really frustrated me. I was angry because BOTH were required of me and I was really only capable of doing ONE of them well at the same time. I have a very one tracked mind and it does not switch easily so moving from task to task was and is very difficult for me.

My work eventually took me to Israel. Where I had a once in a life experience being able to share meals and homes with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. It was like I was both observing and documenting an important event in my own life and at the same time, experiencing and being impacted by it. However, my attitude had become quite negative before leaving. I was so frustrated by my inability to complete tasks and to live up to the expectations put on me that I began to blame the situation I was in. Somehow, my attitude had become defeated.

So when I got back from Israel, I really began to search my own heart. When my finances began to decline and I couldn't find a way to improve them I decided to take a break from my ministry duties in order to try and improve my finances.

position

I never intended to hold a position in my church, my goal has been and always will be to do that which God called me to do in this season of my life, until he says otherwise. That is to server His church and His people. Its weird, despite never wanting a position as I server God I was raised up in the eyes of my peers and my leaders and those that I lead. I never intended to lead anything. I only wanted to server God and do as much as I could for His kingdom with whatever skills I had at my disposal. It wasn't until others spoke positions or leadership over my life that I actually desired it. Don't get me wrong. I love leading people. I love every aspect of leadership, and its that love for leadership that has always made me leering to lead. My greatest fear in ministry is my pride. I never want to feel entitled to a position or to role. Because I'm not. I never want to become so arrogant and proud that I can't hear someone's voice.

So when people began to push me to take a position in my church or to act as if I had one, I did. I took on all the responsibilities that came with it. I worked hard. I poured my heart and soul into my team, into my church, into my work. However, when it became evident that I would actually acquire a position I became very discouraged. Even more so when it became increasingly more apparent that the more I tried to fulfill that responsibility the more that some resented me for and the more that I began to realize that I had all of the responsibilities of a position without the authority to execute them. I was frustrated. No matter how hard I tried and no matter how basic or difficult the task I undertook, it never felt like a win once it was accomplished.

So, I reluctantly had to take a step back and evaluate what I was doing and why.

understanding

Now that I've had time to evaluate things I think I've began to really nail down my own personal shortcomings.

I desperately desire to work hard. Its a huge thing for me. If I'm not pushing myself to the breaking point I don't feel like I've worked. I want to know at the end of the day that I laid everything on the table. I have decided to take a stand on this and to really pray each day for ways to push myself and to accomplish more.

I can not server the church at a cost to my personal development. I need to continually be growing and learning and desiring more. In every area of my life.

If I work hard enough and faithfully enough, money will never be the problem.

I server for development, nothing else.

Most importantly. I have been called to a community of people. Not to a  position or to place. But to a people.

As I move into a new season of my life, I can't help but squirm with anticipation of whats to come. Growing up and getting older as a Christian is such an amazing experience because each new year comes with new ways to grow and new experiences with Christ.

Father, I pray will my full heart that you keep and kindle the fire that you set in my heart. That you keep my mind and my perspective on the positive. That you give me the patients and the diligence to battle my thought process and my negative habits. Teach me to be humble, to be loving and to be kind to everyone I encounter. And above else, teach me to be a son.

To Die For Something

I have spent a long time contemplating and trying to understand the idea of self sacrifice. I found even before the love of Christ, that the highest love for people is sacrifice of ones own well being and comfort for the fair treatment and liberation of an oppressed human being. Multitudes have never mattered. Only a single hurting soul is required.

When Christ entered my life I gave my life to Him. My ideas of relationships. My friends. My future children any future wife. I gave my finances and my integrity. Every moment of my life from that moment forward belong to Christ. I have been criticized a great deal for my choice. Often my motives have been questioned. My sanity. My emotional instability. I have been disowned and often avoided for my choices.

I have discovered that leadership requires much sacrifice. I have discovered that sometimes I must give everything I am and receive nothing in return. I have discovered that giving everything is a daily process. I have discovered that God asks nothing more than all from me. Excuses have become unacceptable. I can no longer blame me emotions. Or my strength. Or my time. Or my inability. I have chained my desires to the book of God. On His standards I have weighed my thoughts.

With great effort I battle myself daily and often fail to succeed to maintain my devotion. However I have found great peace in this eternal conflict. Peace that I can't explain.

With that thought I turn my gaze towards our government and I weep. When did leadership become about the money? When did we forsake the idea of killing ones self? When was "I'm only human" become and excuse for sexual immorality? When did majority opinion define our personal stances on important issues? When did privileged life come with serving the people? When did it cease to be servant hood .. when did it start to become aristocratic.

Where are the men who founded our country? Who laid down everything to see his fellow man treated with dignity and fairness? Why oh Lord have we stopped fighting for each other? What happened to the idea of freedom even if it costs you everything? Even if it means loss!

I pray that my fellow men and women Lord, would rise up to the task of leadership. That they will do away with things being "too hard" that they will dismiss the notion of "sacrificing too much". That everything or nothing will become their creed. That we as a people we learn again that every soul deserves life and fair treatment, even if it costs some of us those very same things. I pray that we will give up what we are entitled to, so that those who are without it, may obtain it. Just as Christ has done for us, I pray we learn to die for something.

Learning To Serve

The high destiny of the individual is to serve rather than to rule.
Albert Einstein


Lately I have entered an intense season of my life. I've been working on starting a business with a close friend and building a media team with some amazing leaders at my Church. I have pushed myself in these previous seasons to serve hard for my Lord. I was once told by my Pastor Glen Johnson that three things determine promotion:

1. Be faithful with whats not yours 
2. Be faithful with your finances 
3. Be faithful in the little things.

I have set my eyes on those three goals in my daily work. What I have found has completely blown me away. I've found that I have craved to do more. With each new difficult task, I find myself wanting more difficult tasks. I find myself pushing myself and stretching myself beyond what I would normally do. Suddenly I began to see potential in those around me. More over as I began to push myself I noticed others pushing themselves and I became aware that God was at work in my environment.

Both leaders and volunteers have began stepping up in the natural and supernatural in an attempt to further the vision of God for our church. Our hearts have been set ablaze with the desire to server our Lord. I could not be more proud to be serving aside the men and women God has placed in our church. I feel absolutely humbled at every meeting. Suddenly my voice has gained audience with men and women who I could never compare myself with.

God's highest plan for our lives is servant hood. Let me tell you friends... there is no better work on the earth.  I would die for the opportunities afforded to me daily.

Learning to serve has been a difficult process and no doubt one I will continue my entire life. The more I am placed in charge of others and tasks I find that I must learn to server those who follow me. What an example I have the privileged to set... to teach them to serve first hand.

This has come at a great costs to my soul. To my flesh. I have spent many nights in prayer and have had to eat my words more than once. In killing my selfish desires and pride I have found a desire to serve that I never thought possible.