Why Serve?

A lot has changed in the last couple years. I stepped out of ministry and got a normal job as a Machinist. Then I did something some people have been confused by, I joined the Washington National Guard. Since then I've had a lot of people ask me "why". To most people it probably seemed like it came out of left field. I've worn a suit and tie so long most people who know me don't know where I come from. That's intentional.

I've always liked to see how people perceive me without volunteering much background. I like to surprise people, to take them off guard. You get a raw and uncompromising understanding of their values, of their opinions. I hate when people cater their speech or their opinions based off of how they think I think. I find it dishonest, which is funny. Because I do the same thing. Perhaps that's why I allow the misconception. I digress...

The truth is, I've always wanted to join the military. Since I was five years old. I remember staring at the wall in our living room where my father hung the old photographs of himself and my grand father in uniform. I didn't much understand what that uniform meant but I did understand the respect it demanded. Not for the men wearing it, but the cost it signified. Buried under the foul mouths and the disreputable facade of a soldier has always and will always bear with it a deep sacrifice and unassailable honor.

It's unpopular today to "hero worship" soldiers. We have steadily suffocated the once proud warrior culture that our ancestors painstakingly cultivated for centuries. Intentionally. Deliberately. Warriors produce war. War kills. We've had enough of death. After World War II, Korea and Vietnam, it became unpopular to encourage warriors. I don't think there was malice towards the individuals. It was the Hell that followed them. Maybe this conversation is too much for the short paragraphs I've laid out here but its important to understand where I'm coming from. I didn't join the military because I want to go to war. I didn't join the military because I want to kill. I didn't join the military because I want to die. I joined because I have understood instinctively since the day I saw my father disarm a man with a pistol pointed at his head, that the only want to stop war is for good men to become experts in violence.

The truth is, I've always believed I was able and willing to endure things others either could or would not. Until this last year I've had good reason to refrain from signing that dotted line. However, it has been a weight I have carried the entirety of those last ten years. I carried it because I submitted my life to God, fully. I leaned in and asked Him to remake me into something new, and when the rot had been chipped away and new life began to root itself in my heart, I slowly felt a release.

If I'm being honest I felt like a racehorse waiting for the gate to drop. Now that it has, it's been tough. I've had to run harder than I thought I would and I'm only just starting out but it feels natural. Like breathing. To my great surprise my body and my mind have adjusted for the strain. Yes, I've been humbled by my weakness. I'm not the fastest or the strongest horse in the race, and I might be a little older too. But I'm eager and I'm hopeful. This is just another segment in a long run leading me back home. I hope that as I go I am able to measure up to something close to what those who have gone before me.

In the meantime I am honored to (temporarily) wear the same patch my father wore in Korea.

Understanding Prosperity

I've often heard people use the phrase "dirt poor" I laugh every time. Very few people actually know what that means. Its been a long time since the people of the United States have had dirt floors. The closest thing even relatable for many is a crummy apartment building.

All of our perspectives are skewed by our experience. To some, being wealthy means having a home or going to college. To others it may be that next piece of property or a large investment paying off. But because our perspectives are skewed we tend to judge other's based off of what they do or don't have. We judge ourselves the same way. Whether its an attempt to define ourselves, prove ourselves, or just the desire to succeed... we tend to forget the point.

I was just sitting here drinking a cup of coffee doing a little reading and working on a project for my church. Not because I had to, but because it was enjoyable. It literally gives me joy. And not just a little bit of joy either. I mean there are few things in this world I enjoy more. Just sitting here in peace, working, thinking, drinking coffee. Its a truly intimate time for me. Its a time I like to pray, and discuss with God whats going on in my life, where I'm at. Suddenly it had occurred to me what Paul was talking about when he said in Philippians 4:12:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

I was like. HEY! Things aren't that bad, why am I always so worried about the struggle! Isn't the end all be all to be sitting here, with a cup of coffee, working on something with God? Isn't that the goal? To be sitting with Him, drinking coffee, going over the day. Planing our next move? Man, what have I been missing?

I understand WHY I think the way I do, I grew up dirt poor. I know what its like not to have. I know what its like to struggle. To be alone. To be destitute. I know what its like to feel totally useless. Those experiences drive me to work harder and at the same time drive me towards hopelessness, towards apathy. The knowing damages my perspective and causes me to idolize an idea of prosperity that doesn't even make since. It causes me to throw out any idea that doesn't fit into my perspective. Whats more, is that I know it, I understand it, I am vigilant against it, and yet I succumb to it. I succumb to how I view those with wealth and those without wealth. I succumb to how I view men's hearts. To what they'd do with it. The knowing doesn't help.

Get this. Knowing doesn't change it. It took a moment with God to even really understand it. Prosperity isn't about the wealth or the lack of it. Its not about even "being content with what you have" its about being content with the PROCESS. Is about letting it happen and just sitting down brewing another cup of coffee, putting your hands to something and saying, whats the next move God? Prosper me.

So that is what I'm going to do.

I gave your master's house to you...

"I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more." 2 Samuel 12:8

This verse from Samuel has made an immense impact on my life. The night I stumbled across this, God confronted me on some very serious issues in my life. Specifically on my attitude towards things that I had asked for in my life, things I had been diligently praying for and believing to come to pass, that I had yet to see. It really made me question if I actually even wanted the things I was asking for.

I see people praying for and asking for the perfect spouse in their lives, and then they get bent out of shape when its been five or six years and they haven't seen anything. I've been guilty of it. But the question we should be asking isn't "Will God do this?" it's "Do I really want to wait?" 'Cause here's the deal, you can either have things done right or you can have them done quickly. You can't have both.

Look at David, look at this statement. Well after he inherited the kingdom. But when did he ask for it and when did he get it? Go back and look how long it took for Saul to die and David to take over. IT TOOK NEARLY FIFTH-TEEN YEARS. I can't even imagine being a fugitive from your own land for fifth-teen years. That's insane. I'm betting David waited longer than that though. I imagine he asked for the kingdom when he was sitting there tending the sheep. So God left him there. Told him, tend my sheep. Show me what king of steward you are. And when the Lions and the Bears came, God saw what kind of man was watching his sheep. You ever wonder what Jesus was referencing when he said that good Shepard lays his life down for his sheep? Yeah sure it was the cross. But David had already given a pretty good example hundreds of years before. What kind of boy when a lion or a bear shows up to attack the flock stands in between them?

So he stayed there and stewarded the sheep. Then when he went to give food to his brothers, he heard someone speaking ill of his God and his kingdom and what does he do? He gets in the way. Think about it for a moment. What kind of king was God looking for? The kind that put God and His sheep first. David asked to become king and God put him in situations that forced him to either become the man God needed or give up on the idea completely. 

Do you really want to wait for the person God has for you? For the job He has for you? For the house or the car or the ministry He has for you? Because if you really want it, chances are there are somethings you're going to need to work out. And its going to take time and its going to take some serious courage. If you're not willing to test what kind of man or women you are, if you're not willing to bend or break for what you're asking for... you really need to think if it is what you really want. Because God says that if you ask for it, He will give it freely. That spouse isn't going to be the person you want in your life if YOU aren't the person you're supposed to be. That car won't do you any good if you can't take care of it. That house won't stay standing if you don't know how to maintain it. That job, that ministry will eat you alive if you're not ready to do it. 

Whatever you do, lets be clear. God is not holding anything back from you. You're prayers aren't going unanswered. You're requests aren't being ignored. But don't you dare ask if you aren't willing to wait.