I dedicated my life to Christ in 2010 at my church's Pure Conference. I'm not sure how other people were raised, but my father raised me to make decisions. We didn't half-do anything. So when I dedicated my life to Christ, I did just that. I saw no benefit and had no desire for a life lived half for God and half for me. I tried life my way and frankly there wasn't anything redeeming in my life to justify its continuation.
I immediately began to volunteer with our youth. After all, it was our youth that brought me into the church and led me down the right track to Jesus. The Wednesday after my commitment, having never been a part of a church before or having any previously discipleship, I put everything into our worship session and after the message I went up to my youth Pastor and asked him how I could help. He didn't give me anything to do right then but shortly after when the boys went to the Philippines, he asked me, Timothy Durr and Michael Hash to take care of the set up and tear down for the service.
Let me stop there really quick. I was barely a Christian for a month and I found serving the church more important than anything else in my life. Sure, I was in my Christian honeymoon stage. But what has always bothered me about this fact is the lack of participation from "Mature" Christians not just in ministry but in other people's lives.
In July, Gary and Ronda Durr paid $300+ to send me to our church's summer camp. There I had the privilege to get to know some of the most amazing people in my life. Including and not limited to, Ashley Cathey, Sean Gleason, Aaron Hanson, and Rj Meyer. To my great surprise, Sean worked very hard to make me feel like a leader to our youth. Something that had never occurred to me. My intention at summer camp was to be a participant and to grow spiritually, which I did. However, this ended up being the beginning of a long and amazing journey in ministry.
The next year, I helped run and lead our Pure Conference. Not because I was incredibly intelligent or well educated or super diligent or even a really nice guy. Let's get real, I feel bad for my friends who had to suffer through my discipleship. I was a jerk. I told God I wanted something and I started digging for it. He supplied.
It's been nearly five years now and I'm still heavily involved in my church, more importantly though in the lives of the young people here in our church. I've had the honor of speaking into our youth and serving them in pivotal times of their lives. There is honestly nothing more precious and fulfilling as a follow of Christ as to be able to help those in need or those hurting.
What has astounded me in all the time that I've server Jesus, are all of the people who are offended by leadership and leave "church". Many have left because they found the expectation of leadership too demanding. Some because they disagree with what is being taught and some because they don't feel that our version of church is the correct one.
Now, I've been accused of being for lack of a better term a "church groupie" or "church fanboy". Which if talk to anyone who knew me in high school, they'd probably laugh at the notion. I've never been known to jump on the band wagon. In fact I'm usually the last one on the wagon and the whole time I'm usually the most skeptical of the bunch. Something I'm really not proud of.
However, I have wanted to quit church for all of the previously mentioned reasons. At times, I've found leadership to be unfairly demanding. I've found it to be very unforgiving in nature. I've found it to be really really difficult to do. Fortunately I found this verse in James 3:1:
"Be not many of you teachers, my brethren, knowing that we shall receive heavier judgment."
Well that kind of makes sense now, doesn't it? We're literally being warned not to teach the bible and just live it because those of us who teach, receive a heavier judgement.
I have disagreed with what our church teaches too. Fundamentally even. I remember thinking tongues was being used incorrectly, foolishly even. I also thought our doctrine on healing was unbiblical and unrealistic. That is, until I studied it. I'm amazed at the amount of people who don't know what to think about what their pastor says and yet, choose to live in ignorance and blame the teacher for their ignorance.
I've thought our version of church to be pretension, self serving even. That is, until I got to know the hearts of our leadership and spent many hours at the grindstone, helping effect lives. It kind of put things into perspective and helps you understand why it is that we do things the way that we do. Especially when you understand the difficulties that leaders face on a regular basis.
What is not surprising to me, are all the testimonies I here of young people who leave churches because they found the whole thing to be a big facade. That none of it was real. They felt like they were just going through the motions. That they had just attended a really drawn out Masquerade. That happens. Being accepted and feeling like you're doing the right thing is comforting. Everyone wants to be accepted and the church is the best place to find that. It's 100% understandable to find yourself doing things or saying things because it helps you fit in. Peer pressure isn't something new.
What does surprise me though, are the people who find themselves stuck in a facade and think that because that's how they lived their life with Jesus, that surly so does everyone else. That the leadership is just as fake.
I mean if I think about it, I can see why someone might think that. Leaders are certainly not perfect. My Pastors have made mistakes. Lots. They're human. It comes with the rental. 1 body comes with mistakes. May need some assembly. So when you see them say one thing and do something else, its really easy to judge them harshly. I mean James 3:1 flat out says they will be. But does that mean that their whole lives are a facade? That everyone who goes to church doesn't really believe what they preach? You know, I've tried to believe that. Believe me I have. I'd feel totally justified if I did. I'd really be able to give my pastors a piece of my mind.
But you know what? I can't. I've been to too many funerals. I've seen too much pain. I've watched my leaders and pastors weep. Fall apart before God. Give up everything. Over and over. Push themselves to the point of breaking and then like magic, push some more.
I've seen too much redemption. It's hard to feel like our church isn't doing much when I see families being blessed. Families raising healthy strong kids. Twelve and thirteen year old kids serving God and helping people at schools and in parking lots. Adults who volunteering their trade to feed families. Business owners who give freely to help the sick and needy. Pastors who look out for their people.
I wish I could share all the stories of what I've seen what goes on behind closed doors.
What Jesus has done in my life and in those around me has been so dramatically evident, I simply don't have the option of pretending like it's all fake. I can lie to Jesus, I can lie to others, but I can't lie to myself.
Maybe, some people haven't had that kind of experience in church. Honestly, I wish I could give them an excuse but I can't. Jesus says knock and He will answer. The hard truth of our lives is that as much as we want to put where we are and what we're doing on other people, it's all on us.
I immediately began to volunteer with our youth. After all, it was our youth that brought me into the church and led me down the right track to Jesus. The Wednesday after my commitment, having never been a part of a church before or having any previously discipleship, I put everything into our worship session and after the message I went up to my youth Pastor and asked him how I could help. He didn't give me anything to do right then but shortly after when the boys went to the Philippines, he asked me, Timothy Durr and Michael Hash to take care of the set up and tear down for the service.
Let me stop there really quick. I was barely a Christian for a month and I found serving the church more important than anything else in my life. Sure, I was in my Christian honeymoon stage. But what has always bothered me about this fact is the lack of participation from "Mature" Christians not just in ministry but in other people's lives.
In July, Gary and Ronda Durr paid $300+ to send me to our church's summer camp. There I had the privilege to get to know some of the most amazing people in my life. Including and not limited to, Ashley Cathey, Sean Gleason, Aaron Hanson, and Rj Meyer. To my great surprise, Sean worked very hard to make me feel like a leader to our youth. Something that had never occurred to me. My intention at summer camp was to be a participant and to grow spiritually, which I did. However, this ended up being the beginning of a long and amazing journey in ministry.
The next year, I helped run and lead our Pure Conference. Not because I was incredibly intelligent or well educated or super diligent or even a really nice guy. Let's get real, I feel bad for my friends who had to suffer through my discipleship. I was a jerk. I told God I wanted something and I started digging for it. He supplied.
It's been nearly five years now and I'm still heavily involved in my church, more importantly though in the lives of the young people here in our church. I've had the honor of speaking into our youth and serving them in pivotal times of their lives. There is honestly nothing more precious and fulfilling as a follow of Christ as to be able to help those in need or those hurting.
What has astounded me in all the time that I've server Jesus, are all of the people who are offended by leadership and leave "church". Many have left because they found the expectation of leadership too demanding. Some because they disagree with what is being taught and some because they don't feel that our version of church is the correct one.
Now, I've been accused of being for lack of a better term a "church groupie" or "church fanboy". Which if talk to anyone who knew me in high school, they'd probably laugh at the notion. I've never been known to jump on the band wagon. In fact I'm usually the last one on the wagon and the whole time I'm usually the most skeptical of the bunch. Something I'm really not proud of.
However, I have wanted to quit church for all of the previously mentioned reasons. At times, I've found leadership to be unfairly demanding. I've found it to be very unforgiving in nature. I've found it to be really really difficult to do. Fortunately I found this verse in James 3:1:
"Be not many of you teachers, my brethren, knowing that we shall receive heavier judgment."
Well that kind of makes sense now, doesn't it? We're literally being warned not to teach the bible and just live it because those of us who teach, receive a heavier judgement.
I have disagreed with what our church teaches too. Fundamentally even. I remember thinking tongues was being used incorrectly, foolishly even. I also thought our doctrine on healing was unbiblical and unrealistic. That is, until I studied it. I'm amazed at the amount of people who don't know what to think about what their pastor says and yet, choose to live in ignorance and blame the teacher for their ignorance.
I've thought our version of church to be pretension, self serving even. That is, until I got to know the hearts of our leadership and spent many hours at the grindstone, helping effect lives. It kind of put things into perspective and helps you understand why it is that we do things the way that we do. Especially when you understand the difficulties that leaders face on a regular basis.
What is not surprising to me, are all the testimonies I here of young people who leave churches because they found the whole thing to be a big facade. That none of it was real. They felt like they were just going through the motions. That they had just attended a really drawn out Masquerade. That happens. Being accepted and feeling like you're doing the right thing is comforting. Everyone wants to be accepted and the church is the best place to find that. It's 100% understandable to find yourself doing things or saying things because it helps you fit in. Peer pressure isn't something new.
What does surprise me though, are the people who find themselves stuck in a facade and think that because that's how they lived their life with Jesus, that surly so does everyone else. That the leadership is just as fake.
I mean if I think about it, I can see why someone might think that. Leaders are certainly not perfect. My Pastors have made mistakes. Lots. They're human. It comes with the rental. 1 body comes with mistakes. May need some assembly. So when you see them say one thing and do something else, its really easy to judge them harshly. I mean James 3:1 flat out says they will be. But does that mean that their whole lives are a facade? That everyone who goes to church doesn't really believe what they preach? You know, I've tried to believe that. Believe me I have. I'd feel totally justified if I did. I'd really be able to give my pastors a piece of my mind.
But you know what? I can't. I've been to too many funerals. I've seen too much pain. I've watched my leaders and pastors weep. Fall apart before God. Give up everything. Over and over. Push themselves to the point of breaking and then like magic, push some more.
I've seen too much redemption. It's hard to feel like our church isn't doing much when I see families being blessed. Families raising healthy strong kids. Twelve and thirteen year old kids serving God and helping people at schools and in parking lots. Adults who volunteering their trade to feed families. Business owners who give freely to help the sick and needy. Pastors who look out for their people.
I wish I could share all the stories of what I've seen what goes on behind closed doors.
What Jesus has done in my life and in those around me has been so dramatically evident, I simply don't have the option of pretending like it's all fake. I can lie to Jesus, I can lie to others, but I can't lie to myself.
Maybe, some people haven't had that kind of experience in church. Honestly, I wish I could give them an excuse but I can't. Jesus says knock and He will answer. The hard truth of our lives is that as much as we want to put where we are and what we're doing on other people, it's all on us.
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